Pink isn't just a color, it's an attitude!!

Another routine visit. December 14, 2011

2012-02-06T20:02:00.000-08:00

Mark and I headed down to Missoula after work for another visit with Dr. Hardy. My incision on the left breast had again opened up in 2 places. It again was a couple of sutures that my body didn't absorb and it gets pussy, opens the incision and spits out the suture. This time he did not stitch it up. It was only open on the surface and we just let my body heal and close on it's own.
Questions that I had were:

Why do my breast hurt so badly in the cold?
Because it is silicone and not my own tissue it does not heat up like the rest of my body. This causes my muscles in the breast to tense up. He said I just need to move somewhere warm. Okay! I can deal with that! Tropical? Heck yes! The girls look better in a bikini top anyway rather than a nonflattering parka!

Why am I having such intense pain in my back?
I am guarding it. I need to exercise and stretch those muscles. So when I got home I googled physical therapy stretching after breast surgery. I have been doing those now and what a world of difference. Don't baby it...stretch it.
http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/MoreInformation/exercises-after-breast-surgery

Will my cancer breast implant ever drop and not be so stiff?
Massage, massage, massage. But the answer was an alarming NO! Hmmm....I don't think that is what he had said on previous visits. I can look back to other blogs, but I think he had said, "gravity will eventually take its course." Now that is not the case. Matter of a fact he also said that he may have to go in there and remove scar tissue if it becomes a problem. He may have to do that a couple of times. What? Grrr!

Well, All in all the visit went fine. Just heard some things that I wasn't too excited about but I will have to live with that.

The girls look great compared to what they did before this whole process and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!

Uh oh. I popped a suture!

2011-11-05T19:58:00.000-07:00

Friday, November 4th, I had to go back to the doctor for an urgent visit. A few days before, my incision got infected. I called the office and they told me that is normal. My body isn't absorbing the stitches on the inside. They advised me to heat pack it and it should suck out the infection and spit out any pieces of stitches that were left in there. That night I did just that and heat packed it. When I woke up that morning I looked at it and the incision was now an open hole the size of a pea. I went to work and gave the office a call to find out what to do.
the doctor said if it is actually open and I could stick a Q-tip or an actual pea in the hole then it needs to be stitched up. The implant could get infected and he would have to remove it and replace it with a new one. He said we have come too far for that to happen. So, I finished up early at work and drove to Missoula.
When I got there he was very surprised that it was in the non radiated breast. He was very glad that I came in. It needed to be cleaned out and stitched up. He gave me a few local shots near the area to numb it. He stitched me up with 5 stitches, added some betadine, and covered it with some guaze. I am instructed to keep it clean and dry and to not soak in the hot tub for 2 weeks. I was also put on an antibiotic just in case.
On the drive home the shots started to wear off and boy was that getting painful.
I am not to wear the strap now for 2 weeks so that the incision can heal. At 12 days Mark can cut out the stitches and I will be good as new again.

As far as my healing process to this point. I can lift about 25 lbs. I cannot put my hands totally above my head yet and I have a hard time reaching up for things. It still feels like the muscles in my chest tighten up super hard. In the morning, when waking, my muscles spasm like crazy. I wonder when all of that will stop. I have woken up a few times in the middle of the night with what feels like a sharp stabbing pain deep through my nipple. It makes me sit straight up in bed. I have gone into the gym but the only thing that I dare do right now is walking on the treadmill. In time my body will tell me when I can move on to the other things. I don't want to force anything and time goes so fast anyway that I will be there soon.

I will write again as more happens.

Visit at one month

2011-11-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

I had a one month visit today Oct 9th. We spent the night on Flathead Lake on the boat and did some fishing. The next morning we pulled the boat out of the lake and left it there on the trailer and drove on to Polson for our visit. He said that the left side still isn't dropping. He feels that it will but it is just a matter of time. Gravity will take its course. He said if for some reason it didn't, then he could go in there again surgically and cut into the muscle more and create a larger pocket for it to fall into. Though he would rather not do anymore cutting. I have to continue to wear my sports bra during the day and to bed. I am to continue on with the massaging. He didn't have a strap with him so I will have to get her to mail me a strap when it is in. It was a pretty short visit. Well I guess then I will continue on how it is all going.
As far as my movements, I am doing better at work. Everyone there is being extremely helpful.

Day ...hmmm...how many has it been?

2011-09-30T18:26:00.000-07:00

Okay so it has been 11 days since the surgery and I can't even believe that I will have to go back to work on Monday. The 2 weeks that I had taken off for this surgery have just flown by. Not quite like I was laying on the beach in Mexico or something wonderfully tropical like that but it still has gone quickly.

Monday Mark and I drove over to Missoula. We had an appointment with the nurse to see how the progress is coming along. It is about a 10 minute visit with her and it is such a long drive and time to get there. However, we did know this when we chose our doctor so we grin and do it. In the long run it was the best choice. Something to consider when finding a plastic surgeon. There are quite a few follow up appointments that should be made and kept. Anyway, she got us in the room and I unveiled the girls. She was happy with what she saw. She said progress is coming along nicely but a little slow for the left breast. She showed us some exercises that I need to do a few times a day for a year. Basically I do it on both breasts at one time. I place the palm of my hands (one on one breast and one on the other) and press in from the outside, like I am making good cleavage, and hold it for 10-15 sec.
Then I press the opposite way from inside my cleavage with my fingertips like I am spreading them apart and hold. Then push down from the top and massage in circles for the same amount of time. On the bottom I pinch, like I am grabbing my whole boob, and push up and hold. I am guessing it all helps to put them in the area that they are eventually supposed to be on my chest and gets them to soften up. They are hard as a rock right now.

Because they are not dropping quite as fast as wanted she was going to give me a strap to put around them. This goes around my back, under my armpits and around the top of my breasts. This is left on there now basically at all times. It will help to push them down where they belong. They were out of stock on the strap so I received an ace bandage about 6-8" wide and it ends in Velcro. I don't like this near as well just because of the fact that I cannot put it on and take it off by myself. Mark has to do it every time because it goes around me twice. I did talk to one of the office gals today and she is going to order more and mail one to me.

I was told that I can start sleeping in bed now and we can move the recliner back into the living room. I was so glad about that. I was hoping that would make me a little more independent and Mark could get an undisturbed night of sleep. He was having to get up to let the lever down, on the recliner, to lower my legs. Well the bed didn't work out as planned. I laid in bed with one pillow under my head and one under my knees. I couldn't do any more under my head. It just didn't work for the back. Because of this, after 4 hours of sleeping, my whole body cramps up and I cannot get out of bed myself. I have to wake Mark up to lift me from a laying position. I can't even roll onto my side and roll out of bed. Ugh!

That was the end of our visit and the next appointment will be scheduled with the doctor one month from surgery date. UPDATE: The office called and the doctor will be in Polson for a short time this Sunday. It is about half the distance to Missoula. He has an office there that he will see patients for pre or post care. So we will take the boat out of the water early Sunday morning and head over to see him. We will be staying on the boat on Flathead lake that Saturday night. I am looking forward to seeing him since we haven't since the surgery.

As far as my mobility goes, it is getting better. I can now take a shower on my own and just barely wash my own hair. Shaving my legs is difficult but needs to be done. Funny the daily things that we take for granted. I can only lift my arms about armpit level and not really above my head yet. Reaching at this point is not allowed. I can lift a little less than a gallon of milk. I tire so easily and by the time Mark gets home from work I am a walking zombie. I am off all of my pain meds and muscle relaxers during the day but by night I am still taking the muscle relaxer. I wake up and my chest is flexing off and on by itself. It is like a charlie horse across my entire chest. Oh boy that hurts. I have been trying not to sleep by day so that I am good and tired and can sleep through the whole night. That isn't the case though. I usually wake at 4am and 6am. Which means...so does Mark. (It feels like we have a newborn in the house) Last night it was 2,4, and 6am. I am thinking maybe I will try sleeping on the couch tonight. Mark doesn't know this idea yet. If you have ever had kids, my boobs feel like they are filling up with milk. That really tight, sore, full feeling...that's it. When will they dry up...lol!
I cannot stand from a sitting position by using my arms. Can't push. My legs are getting quite the workout. And no twisting. it all pulls from the breast. Go ahead, try it. Amazing all the abuse these girls can normally handle in a day!

Well, that was a long post and I am signing off for now. I will post again after my appointment with the doctor.

Ciao!

Day 4 Post op

2011-09-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

It is Thursday. Day 4 after surgery. I have read a lot of information about this procedure and how the recovery would progress. I feel that I am way behind in the recovery process comparatively. I figure that it is due to the cancer and radiation that was in my left breast. That is the side that is taking longer to feel better. I have a lot more mobility on my right side. Especially like the movement of my arms and the swelling in the arm pit area. I took a picture of the progress from the 2nd day post op and then today, day 4. I was pleasantly surprised how the implants are moving down and that the swelling really is going down. Funny I can't just notice that but a picture tells it all. They are now not as square looking on top. Girls had described their own post op implants as looking like Frankenstein, the square boxiness, and I could see that. Kind of a funny thought.

I am still on all of my medications and as of this point I can't even imagine backing off of them. The pain is still pretty intense and the pressure and tightness is overwhelming at times. The numbness feeling has worn off and I am getting ocassional shooting pains where the incisions are under my breasts and also in the chest between my cleavage. Someone reading this probably thinks, why would you put yourself through all of this pain and torture just for boobs. I believe that the outcome and the feeling and confidence I will regain about myself after a couple of months will definitely outweigh the pain I am having now. The left breast looks so amazing now compared to what it was. You can barely even see the incision from the lumpectomy. Mark had commented as such this morning when we looked at the progress.

I am still sleeping in the recliner with 2 king sized pillows behind me and my feet raised. I have done pretty well getting my sleep through the night. I only wake up twice during the night and it is because I have to go to the bathroom. I am drinking a lot of water throughout the day to stay good and hydrated. Mark helps me out of the chair because I cannot use the lever to lower my feet to be able to stand. He has been truly awesome. I couldn't have done this without him through the cancer and now. Both as a caregiver and an emotional ear. He is super patient with me and has a real willingness to help. That's my man! (big smile) I am a very lucky and a blessed girl. Thank you again Mark. I love you!!

At the hotel day of surgery...

2011-09-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

We arrived at the hotel and Mark checked us inWe stayed at the C'mon Inn because they have recliners in the room. This was a suggestion from the doctors that would make sleeping a little more easy. I had to have my headed elevated for 1-2 weeks. The girls at the hotel were just coming out of our room when we were walking down the hall. They were stocking our room with more blankets, pillows and tea. They also turned on the heater as the room was a little chilly. Great staff.

Mark parked me into the recliner with pillows all tucked around me and a blanket over me and he went out to bring in all of our bags. After that he made a trip back to Wal Mart to pick up the remaining scrip and a few items to stock in the fridge. I was wanting some yogurt. When he left I fell back to sleep. Mark came back and we ate a little and I decide to check out my new additions.

I unfastened the front of the bra. They are riding very high in my chest, as expected and they are kind of square looking. They are super rock firm. All of these things are what I had read online so I was okay. I think that they look great. The indentation from the lumpectomy has been pushed out from the mass of the implant and so all that you can really see there is a straight line scar. Really no dimpling. I am so pleased with that. It is hard to tell right now about the size because they are so swollen and they will drop out of the upper chest to where they are supposed to be. After 2 months I will pretty much be able to tell my ending bra size. Until then I have to wear this sports bra day and night for 2 months. That's okay because the pressure I think would be horrible without it. The bra holds them in and close to my chest.

So Mark and I just pretty much layed around for the entire day. I had him write down all of the meds that I had and what times they were to be taken so we wouldn't lose track. There were a few. Dr. Hardy also has me taking Bromelein, a pineapple extract which reduces inflamation and Montana Arnica which reduces bruising and the bleeding to a minimum. I like that he chose these two natural things for healing. I took lots of naps, I was in and out all day. They just wanted me to rest and do nothing. So....nothing I did.

We did it!

2011-09-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

Sunday we spent the day driving to Missoula. We were staying at a friends' house just 30 minutes west of Missoula. My appointment for surgery was at 6:15 in the morning. On the drive down we also stopped to look at a few sailboats. Getting an idea of what we want. That was a nice distraction from what was going on in our heads. We stayed up until about 10 visiting and then hit the sack for the big day.

Morning came in a hurry and I woke up to do the routine. Shower with an anti bacterial soap and wash my hair. No other products are allowed. No lotion, deoderant, perfumes, hair gel, hairspray. Nothing like that. I straightened my hair so that it would be easy for the next couple of days. Can't take a shower for 48 hours.

We got to the surgery center and the nurses checked me in. Mark was with me watching and asking questions. He was nervous I could tell because he was cracking jokes. The nurse asked me address, DOB, that kind of thing. She had me undress except for the underwear and put on a gown. She then put compression socks on my legs to keep away the blood clots. They are like a white pair of spandex knee hi's. The Dr. came in and introduced himself to Mark. Mark wasn't with me this time for pre op so he hadn't met Dr. Hardy. He started putting marks on my breasts with a black marker and wrote on each breast what size implant would be inserted. Any other questions? No, I have none...I am nervous. And I am nervous for Mark. The anasthesiologist came in and asked me a few prescription questions. What am I allergic to, narcotics and 1st generation atahistamines. The nurse set me up with an IV, no numbing stuff please it(it hurts more than the IV) which I had her put in my right arm instead of my hand. It is a lot more comfortable there, as far as IV's go. She took my blood pressure and my pulse. She then put the local anasthesia into my IV and started rolling me away and I was out like a light. I awoke in another room with a nurse by my side. I could feel my chest ached. I have read that it would feel like an elephant sitting on my chest and the pain would be unbearable, but I didn't find it to be that way. I did ask for pain meds, don't get me wrong it did hurt, but I just expected it to be a lot worse. The surgery took about an hour and a half.

Mark returned from Wal Mart. The Dr. had sent him on an errand during surgery to go and fill my prescriptions for after surgery. That is so smart...keep him busy so he is not pacing worried. One of the scrips was not available there so they were having it sent in. It would be there by noon. The doctor discussed with Mark how the procedure went. While they were in there they found no tumors or anything else that looked suspicious to think there was any more signs of cancer. That is so great!! He instructed him that I could not lift my elbows away from my body for a week. Pretend there is a band around my waist holding my arms in. I can only move from the elbows. Any lifting could cause bleeding in the breast. That would be a bad situation.

The nurse gave me some water and meds a few more times in my IV. The med that I used is Fentanyl and it only lasts for 20 minutes. It is a 100x more potent that morphine but it is short lasting. She offered me a granola bar or jello and I declined. She then sat me up slowly and I was fitted into a front fastening sports bra. I was a 36 before I went in and she put a 38 on me. I was put into a wheel chair and wheeled out to the truck and we were on our way to the hotel with the new boobs in tow!

Surgery day is coming!

2011-09-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

My surgery has been moved up about 5 hours. I am excited about that. It was at 1:30 and I was not allowed to eat or drink until then. I would starve. Ha ha! I am now going in at 6:30 and the surgery is scheduled for 7:30. I have purchased all of the items that are needed for post op. I am supposed to sleep in a mostly upright position for 2 weeks and I cannot lift my hands away from my sides during that time.

We are staying at the Come on Inn after the surgery. They will prepare the room for us with many blankets, pillows, tea, and the room comes with a lazyboy. The following day at 9:30am I will have a post op appointment with the doctor before I go home to make sure that everything looks good. He will also give us a list of instructions for after care. I will have another appointment with him 2 weeks following this appointment.

Well the next time I write it will be done and I will let you know how it went.
I am scared and excited in one big breath.
Pray for the best. I know that I will.

Casting for Recovery

2011-09-15T19:15:00.000-07:00

The weekend of Sept 9, 2011 I was pre selected to go on a retreat in West Glacier for Casting for recovery. See www.castingforrecovery.org It is a retreat for breast cancer survivors.They teach you the skills to fly fish and then on the last day you have a couple of hours on the river with your own individual guide assisting you. I was one of 14 women selected. It was an amazing retreat and and I met some really great women. It is so wonderful to have had this opportunity in our area. Thanks again girls!!

Mammogram and bloodwork

2011-09-08T21:30:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to have my mammmogram, bilateral diagnostic, and some bloodwork. The mammograms are more painful every time I go due to the scar tissue build up. I was told by my surgeon that if I massage it daily it will not build up like that. That would have been good information to have after the lumpectomy...I'm just saying!

The results of the mammogram were favorable and the blood results got sent in.

For financial assistance with the mammogram I was covered by Save a Sister. It is a locally funded organization by donations and charitable events. There is always financial help available for those tests you just have to ask.

My pre-op appointment

2011-09-08T20:53:00.000-07:00

So the nurse Laura called and gave us all the ins and outs of what we need to prepare for surgery. All of the vitamins I am taking can be continued, surprising for how long the list is of the items that you cannot take. I must discontinue the probiotic thought the day of the surgery. That baffles me. Your body needs that good bacteria. So I will do more research on that.

She didn't know much about the procedure itself and what was happening with the scar tissue and the scar revision on the left breast. So she had Dr. Hardy call me a couple days later with some explanation. The left breast that was radiated behaves like dead skin tissue. The skin will not be as pliable as the right. He will put an implant under the muscle. It is a silicone high profile implant that is 450cc and the right is 400cc. The problem with getting it in there neatly is separating the scar tissue away from the chest wall enough. There is also the issue that because the left brest is so tight and has lost so much mass that the left and right breast may not be in the same place (symmetrically). This means also that one nipple may be higher than another. So no different than it is now!! One way that this can be fixed is by cutting a crescent piece of skin out from underneath the nipple and stitching it back together. This is not an option that he likes to do. He feels it is just too much cutting and scarring. The other thing that surgeons will do, which is what the first Dr. was going to do that I had a consultation with, is to do fat grafting. They will take fat from another place in the body and inject it into your breast to pump up the piece that is missing. That tissue will eventually die. If I were to have it looked at in a mammogram they would see it as foreign and think that it is cancerous. They would biopsy it and find out that it is not cancerous. He says that it is just not a good ethical thing to do. That option is off the table. He said basically that when we go in he will just use his best judgment and decide then what needs to be done. I pray that he will have good judgement.

I am now 2 weeks out from surgery and I am starting to get nervous...but excited all in the same breath.

Pre Op appt.

2011-09-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

Today I have my pre-op appointment with Dr. Hardy's nurse. We will discuss the meds and herbs I am taking now. Most of those I will have to discontinue taking to have my system clean for anesthesia and for the healing process after the surgery (bleeding and bruising). She will give me the prescriptions that I will need post surgery. I am curious as to what this will be since I am allergic to narcotics. I will also receive a 3 day scrip for something I take prior to surgery. Normally we would try on sizers to decide the size. I have already done this at another consultation I had when screening doctors. I know the size I want and I had already discussed this w Dr. Hardy at our consult. We will go over the procedure and what things I need to prepare before and after surgery. I am having the appointment in Missoula, 2 hours away, so this appointment today will be done by phone. I feel a little disconnected from it all doing it this way but it will save time and gas money.

I will post soon with the results of this appointment.

Nae

Reconstruction after a lumpectomy

2011-08-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

A year and a half has gone by now since my last radiation treatment. They told me that your radiated site keeps on cooking for a year after all of the treatments. That is a little scary. But due to that fact reconstruction was put to a halt until that time frame has past. I am at this point still unhappy with the end results of my breasts after the surgery. I feel that I am still young enough that I can and should do something about this. It is a very important part of my girlie anatomy and I want it back. There is so much information on the internet about women who had reconstruction after a masectomy. And there should be. However a lumpectomy should not be taken lightly because it still affects how we as women feel about our bodies and how comfortable we feel around other people. If I were a single woman I would probably never get intimate with someone new for fear of showing this now ugly part of me. I am very fortunate that I have a wonderful boyfriend who was there with me through all of this and I don't have to worry about that. But I want to feel confident about my body. I lost 1 1/2 cup sizes on the left. That is a huge difference.

I have decided to write in my blog my walk through my reconstruction and augmentation so that other women will have someone else to relate to. I wished that I had that. I want to have someone to talk to and ask questions. A woman who can relate and who has gone through all of this before me. So, if you have questions, please ask. If you have comments, please feel free to comment. I will also have before and after pictures. I will not post them but if you want to view them please let me know.

I am nervous but very excited about this whole process. I am going to hopefully get newer and better boobs. My fears.....will they look the same? Will they once again be the same size as the other (left and right)? I have already lost feeling in the one...how much more feeling will I lose? Will they look natural? And the list goes on and on.

Well, that's it. I will start posting what I do.

See ya for now.

A big scare!

2010-05-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Well my life here in Kalispell has taken shape. I have found a small one bedroom house. It is in a great older neighborhood and it has a beautiful view of the mountains. I am finally all moved in. I have stripped wallpaper out of the bathroom and the kitchen that was like a 100 years old. Gross and dingy from smokers and just old age. The place not only looks better but smells better.

I am still working at Tele Tech, and that job that I thought was temporary, has become more permanent than I thought it would. I am now involved in a softball team with work through Flathead Recreation and I have joined a team for the Relay for Life to help fight cancer. I may not like the work so much but I am getting involved in my new community through them and I do like that. They really are a great company to work for.

I recently had a scare. I have been cancer free and pretty much back to my normal life, if that's what you call it, since Dec. of 2009. I started getting some tender pain in my breast that had the lumpectomy. It increased as the days went by. I was to a stage 8 out of 10 in pain and I was scared to death what that might mean. My hand was numb and the back of my shoulder was in pain. I ended up scheduling an appt with the surgeon here in Kalispell. A week and a half before that I had gotten a bladder infection. I get them all the time and now treat them myself. I started myself on the antibiotic and by the time I saw the doc wasn't in near the pain I had been. She examined me and and gave me an ultrasound and determined that I had an infection in my breast due to the bladder infection. It made its way up and decided to land in my boob. This is where the fluid started building up and got infected. She sent me to see the radiologist in the hospital who put a needle in my NOT NUMBED boob, got a sample of the fluid, drained the remaining fluid and grew the culture. Come to find out 4 days later that the antibiotics that I had taken for my bladder infection also cured my boob infection.

Hmmm.....I wonder how much that cost me?

The move

2010-01-23T13:15:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have posted anything new in here. I have been super busy with life in general. The move finally happened and went smoothly. I am now in Kalispell and looking for a job. I did get a FT job at Teletech which is a call center for Bank of America but I am still searching for something better. This will at least pay the bills in the mean time and keep me busy and out of trouble. Grin!

Ciao,

Shawnae

Last day of Radiation has past.

2009-12-15T20:39:00.000-08:00

My last day of radiation was on Fri, Dec. 4. Mark went with me and met the staff. He loved them as much as I did. They gave him the "tour" and explained in detail everything that happens. He said it hit home just how important and scary it all is when they slammed close the steel 6in. thick door that separated me from them. Then he explained that starting the radiation was like a launch procedure and she put in a key and push a button at the same time to initiate. He said it was very high tech and very secure. After that we went back to my place to finish packing and got on the plane to....Las Vegas, NV. He planned this secret vacation for me in celebration for my last day of radiation. He is truly an amazing man and I feel so blessed and fortunate to have him in my life. We had a fantastic time together sightseeing and walking all over. We also got to go to The Phantom of the Opera. That was an awesome show to see.

I am bringing my two boys to Kalispell for Christmas. I want them to see where I will be living and meet Mark and his kids. My oldest son Justin is 19, a senior in high school, and is in the National Guard. He lives in Roundup, MT. My younger son Alex will be 14 in a couple of weeks and lives primarily with his dad in Belgrade, MT (10 miles from Bozeman). Alex has met Mark a couple of times and Justin has only talked to him on the phone. We will all be going skiing and snowboarding one of the days we are there. I look forward to that. My Alex has been dying to teach me to snowboard. I think it will be a really fun couple of days for everyone.

My last day at work is Jan 5 and then Mark will come up on Friday with the horse trailer to move the rest of my things. Half of my stuff is already boxed in his basement from when I was first moving in Aug. It has been a little strange living kind of half way through all of this. Between being halfway moved to Kalispell, breast cancer and really wanting to be closer to Mark it has been a really hard 5 months. I am glad that it is all done and we can finally close the gap between us.

I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update my blog but I have been busy between work, shopping for Christmas and working on crafting presents.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. I love and miss you all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-23T13:30:00.001-08:00

I can't believe that another year has gone by so quickly. Where does the time go?
Treatments have been going okay. The infection and pain is now gone. I have about 8 treatments left which include doubling up and the boosts. Doubling up will be one visit at 8am and another at 3 or 4pm. That will happen for the last 5 days. I will be thrilled to be done with all of this and get back to as normal of a life as I can.

Talk is still in order for me moving to Kalispell. We have to still figure out the dates though I am feeling that it will be sometime early in January. Mark has prepared a surprise 4 day weekend vacation for us following my last treatment on Friday Dec. 4th. He will go with me for my last session and meet the medical gang I have come to know and love. They have all been asking so much about him. Then we will go back to my house, grab our bags and we are to.....I don't know where. The anticipation is killing me but I am sure that it will be worth the wait. He is a sweet man to do this for us.

I am spending Thanksgiving time up in Kalispell with Mark's family. His parent's are also coming to visit at the same time from Wisconsin. It will be the first meet. I am looking forward to that.
I hope that you all have a wonderful time with your family and friends.

Love to you all,

Shawnae

I am feeling defeated!!

2009-11-10T14:45:00.000-08:00

Up until now I have been going along with the plan that they have given me. I have gotten about 18 sessions of radiation under my belt (so to say). I was taking the Tamoxifen for a month but got off of it. I was having big memory issues. I have been off of it now for a couple of weeks and doing better. I will start up again when the radiation treatment is done. I love the girls that I see daily for my sessions and feel like they have become friends.

For the past week I have had a dull aching pain in my breast that had the surgery. Last night it became very painful and today it was unbearable. I called the doctor and got tin to see and found that I have an infection inside of my breast. He says that the fluids build up in there and sometimes don't drain the way that they are supposed to and with having radiation my immunity is down. He started me on a 10 day antibiotic and I am back on my pain pills. I am looking forward to no pain. The feeling of pain just brings back home that "I am a breast cancer patient". A bit of reality that is so hard for me to accept. When I feel the pain I feel defeated and less of who I am.

Well, there is my update. Have a good week everyone.

I love you all,

Shawnae

Happy Halloween!!

2009-11-01T08:21:00.000-08:00

It is Halloween weekend and I spent the weekend here up at Mark's house. WE were chaperones to a teenaged bonfire. It went really well and they had a lot of fun. After the bonfire a few kids went home and 4 stayed. 6 teens total soaked in the hot tub and then watched 3 movies following that, so it was an all nighter.

Andrew, Molly and I carved pumpkins under the supervision of Mark. We turned out 3 fantastic looking pumkins. Andrew carved an owl under the full moon, Molly carved a bunny, and I carved a cauldron. Later that night the 4 of us went into town and went trick of treating. That was a lot of fun and there were a TON of kids on 3rd street. It was amazing. I have never seen that many kids trick or treating in one area. Molly dressed as a fairy, Andrew was a Greek General, Mark was the Sherriff (to greet the teens at the house) and I was a Gothic fairy.

This morning Mark made busquits and gravy for all the kids. We are headed to church so I better get into the shower.

Hope that you all had a great weekend!!

Football Senior Night

2009-10-25T21:41:00.000-07:00

Senior Night in Roundup, MT. It is the last game of the season and they honor the seniors and their parents. I went up to join Justin for the event. Justin looked great and I loved just being there hugging on him and kissing his cheeks. They lost their game but it was still fun to watch. The weather was low 40's, windy as hell and then started to lightly rain. After half time the rain stopped and it wasn't too bad. We had a chilli dinner and cake with the senior athletes and parents. Gifts were given from coaches and staff and pictures were taken. Tears were being shed. It was a nice night all in all with a very small
town feel.

Justin was "released" from the group home and probation in May of last year. His best friend Tyler is also a senior this year and on the football team, quarterback, and he said to Justin that they had an extra room and I bet my mom, Sarah, would let you come stay with us. She did and loves having Justin there. I am not surprised. He is a wonderful kid and very helpful. Sarah said Justin was a
good influence on Tyler. The two of them together generally make good life decisions and compliment each other well.

We went to breakfast this morning, the 5 of us. Sarah also has a 13 year old daughter named Alicia. Their dad is "out of the picture" in life but he is Korean. She has beautiful kids just like my niece and nephew, Aaron and Angie.
Then we went and all got our flu vaccinations. All the kids had both flu shots and I had the swine flu shot since I am having radiation and on Tamoxifen, my immune system is down. Nothing but fun in Roundup. LOL!!

We dropped the kids off at the house and went to Sarah's moms' Flower Shop in Roundup. Cute little shop with a Farm touch. Selling candles,lotions, antiques, cookbooks and just girly things. I was in heaven. But I was a good girl and bought nothing. It was hard to do, she had some neat stuff. It was great beng able to get to know everyone and spending the time with them. Justin's graduation will be on May 23rd for anyone who would like to go.

Monday

2009-10-19T16:50:00.000-07:00

I have now been to radiation for a week. Just 5 more weeks to go. Every monday I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Koplein, the radiation oncologist to make sure that everything is going okay and the skin on my breast is handling everything okay. This kind of worried me due to the fact that I have a $30 co-pay every time that I see him. That means $120 a month. I talked to him about my concern and he told me not to worry. He will take what the insurance pays and write off the rest. Truly these doctors here have been a blessing, understanding and compassionate. My appointment went well and everything is looking great.

Mark was curious as to what the radiation machine looks like. It is huge, white and intimidating for sure. I lay on a bed with my hands above my head holding to two handles. The bed raises up and back to the machine. That huge L shaped machine pivots around my chest and gets me from all angles. Hard to explain but I hope that you get the general idea. It takes a matter of 15 minutes a day. Most of that time is spent undressing and getting dressed.

Finished the week!

2009-10-16T16:34:00.000-07:00

TGIF!! I finished the week and am glad to have the weekend to relax. I won tickets to the MSU bobcat football game on the radio so my roommate and I will be going to that on Saturday. I love football!!

It is getting better as far as the "life getting sucked out of me" thing. Could have been the anxiety leading up to the first few visits. It does make me tired though and I was in bed last night at 8pm. Way not normal for me!! And I haven't been walking so I need to do that, at least on the weekends. So that is where I am headed now. Gotta keep my girlish figure for my man. Wink!!

Ciao

1st day of Radiation

2009-10-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

I had my first radiation therapy today. I got three tattoos that are permanent and the size of freckles. They line everything up with those markers. One is on my chest, under in the fold of my left breast and one slightly lower in my armpit. I was told I would not feel anything but that was not the fact. I felt a pulling on my throat and a tightening in my chest. Felt like they were sucking the life out of me in less than 3 minutes. Hopefully that was my imagination and tomorrow will go better. She, the nurse, thinks it is like your hair standing on end feeling but she has never had it done. This will continue now for 6 weeks, 5 days a week.

I also started the Tamoxifen on my last visit about a week and a half ago. I felt sick the second day and have been getting headaches. I am hoping that I will get used to the drug and those side effects will subside. I will be taking that for 5 years, though this month is a trial run.

I will let you know if tomorrow is any different.

Impatient as I am.....

2009-10-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

I decided I could not make it through the weekend without knowing if the results were in. I callled the doctors' office and they called me back with the results. I am THRILLED to announce that NO CHEMO will need to be done. I am one happy camper!! My results for the test showed a reoccurance rate of 9%. That is awesome. And they do not reccomend chemo. That rate is even lower than what the doctor had
predicted (14%).

I will still have my appointment on Monday. We will probably discuss Tamoxifen. I also have my radiation scan on Wed.

I will let you know how they go. But for now I can quit searching for the perfect wig. Yipee!!

Love you all,

Nae Nae

Onco Type Dx

2009-09-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

I have gotten a lot of questions lately as to what exactly this test does. Being new to this myself, I too wanted more information. I am attaching a link,that you will probably have to copy and paste,that takes you to a video explaining the procedure and outcome of the test. It is done in a lab in California.

http://www.genomichealth.com/Flash/video.html

September 28, 2009

2009-09-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

What is lymphedema?

Our bodies have a network of lymph (limf) nodes and lymph vessels that carry lymph fluid, much like blood vessels carry blood to all parts of the body. The lymph fluid contains white blood cells which help us fight infections. During surgery for breast cancer, the doctor usually removes at least 1 lymph node (sentinel node) from the underarm area to see if the cancer has spread. Some lymph vessels that carry fluid from the arm to the rest of the body are also removed because they are wrapped around the nodes.

Removing lymph nodes and vessels from the underarm changes the way the lymph fluid flows in that side of the upper body. This makes it harder for fluid in the arm to get to other parts of the body. If the remaining lymph vessels cannot drain enough of the fluid from the breast and underarm areas, the excess fluid builds up and causes swelling, or lymphedema. Radiation treatment to the lymph nodes in the underarm can affect the flow of lymph fluid in the arm and breast area in the same way, increasing the risk of lymphedema.

Lymphedema usually develops slowly over time. The swelling can range from mild to severe. It can start soon after surgery or radiation treatment. It can also begin months or even years later. Women who have many lymph nodes removed and women who have had radiation therapy to the underarm area may have a higher risk of getting lymphedema.

My visit today to the doctor

I visited the doctor today that specializes in lymphademia. She gave me an exam and said my shoulder was a little tight but as to be expected. I am in protection mode on that side. She taught me exercises that take 5 minutes a day and should be done for the rest of my life to avoid this swelling. Easy stuff. It was very informative and good to be proactive on prevention.

She also removed a couple of stitches today, put new dressing on my breast incision and said it is healing nicely.

My next appt. are with my rad and med oncologists on Monday and wed. We should have the results back from the Onco test and know more about my treatment plan. October is breast cancer awareness month. I have decided if I have to do chemo and I lose my hair I will get a baby pink wig and a biker bandana with pink breast cancer ribbons to wear on my head. Cute, huh? I LOVE pink. Grin!!

Have a great week.

Shawnae

The test is being done.

2009-09-24T19:06:00.001-07:00

I got a call today from the institute that does the onco test and they have told me that I am within the financial area that will allow me to have the test done and whatever my insurance doesn't cover they will write off for me. Amen! So the test got ordered today and it takes two weeks to get the results back. Here we go waiting again. So we had to juggle around some of the doctor's appointments that I had already made so they can have the results of this test.

Shoot...I may not get off so easy....

2009-09-21T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I went back to my rad. oncologist today with my boobs just aching, throbbing. He wanted to see if I was getting an infection. He says they look like they are healing nicely and the one has FINALLY stopped bleeding through the incision. He's guessing that the pain is due to the water skiing and exercising my pectoral muscles instead of taking it easy. Grin!! (I know Mark, you told me so). He gave me a prescription for another medication that I hope works. Of course it is not a narcotic, allergic to them, so it is always a game to see if it works.

Okay, so the Onco Type Dx test. After I called the rad. oncologist we talked about that test and I misunderstood and so did my friend who was taking notes (I think the med. oncologist said it wrong). The test is to determine whether or not the risks on paper are the same as the risks from the tested tumor for taking chemo NOT Tamoxifen. Whatever, he had said in no uncertain terms that I didn't need to take chemo. Aargh!! The test is $3900 and my insurance covers a max of $2400. I cannot afford that with everything else so the they are trying to determine now if the financial office can pick up the rest of the cost. Dang, I thought I was off the hook. I still don't want to take chemo. I am such a stubborn girl.

Of course I will take it if that is what NEEDS to be done. And same with the Tamoxifen if it is really necessary. I just keep battling in my mind that I DO NOT HAVE CANCER. I am not that girl. I don't need all of this crap. I will just go on living my normal life. Right?

There is also another specialist I have to see about Lymphodema. It is very serious in women who have had a sentinel node surgery or a lymph node dissection. It is the swelling of the arm to 3x the size as normal. And once that happens it is too late and it is irreparable. The are precautions you can take and warning signs to catch it early. Good information to know I think. I see her on Mon. the 28th. So there is another update I was not expecting.

On another subject, who can name this weed. I took apicture of it near Harlotown, MT. That is how I feel with a bad hair day. I thought it was way cool!!

Oncologist's appt.

2009-09-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

I am sorry to keep you all waiting for the results. I have been out and about and not home much.
But all in all I think that it is great news. They were very lengthy appointments. I started at 2:20 and finally got out at 5:10.

Radiation Onclogist-In about 2-4 weeks we will start the radiation process. They wait for my incision to be more healed. It will be 6 weeks, 5 days a week and the session only lasts like 20 minutes. There are rules with it that gross me out but I guess I will deal with those. No shaving that armpit for 6 weeks. I am going to be a sexy french woman. In that amount of time I should be able to braid it. Ha! No deoderant with aluminum chloride. Natural stuff like Tom's or Burt's Bees is okay. No more underwire bras. (that's all of my bras). I have to go out and buy sports bras. Things like that.

Medical Oncologist-He said that because of the size of the tumor, grade, no lymph nodes, things like that I will not have to do chemo therapy. Yeah!! But he does want me to take Tamoxifen.....for 5 years. Whatever!! That is insane. I am going to do some more research on this drug but right now I am leaning toward radiation and be done. It is taken to reduce the chances of the cancer reoccuring. It only reduces the chances by 40%. I have been told my chances right now are 17% and Tamoxifen only lowers that to 11%. To put a drug into my body for 5 years that throws me into mentopause just doesn't sound that healthyy either.

My next apptointments with both of these guys is in 2 weeks. I will keep you posted.

September 14, 2009

2009-09-14T19:41:00.000-07:00

Okay...first of all ....no lecturing!! I am 43 years old now and if anyone knows me it is all of you. You know how stubborn I can be and when I want to do something, you know that nothing will stop me and I will do it.

So we went out on Hebgen Lake this weekend and my roomate came with us. I had asked my doctor if I was allowed to swin in the lake. He said it would be fine. "Really? Cool. So how about waterskiing, Doc?" He didn't think that would be such a hot idea just in case I fell onto my boob. "What if I am a really good skiier and I didn't fall?" He said that would be okay but he doesn't advise it.

Well, I did ski. It felt great being in the water and having that rush. I have to tell you. My life has been sort of thrown upside down and out of my control for the last 2 months. I wanted something that I could be in control. I was going to ski and "fuck cancer". (parden the french)
Mark skiied as well and did the best that I have seen him do. He was excited when my roommate, Bridget, said that he looked "athletic". He looked awful handsome to me. Grin.

So, that night I slept on my stomach, which I haven't done since the surgery and woke up with blood on my shirt the size of a grapefruit. Later that night we couldn't get it to stop bleeding. We called the service and the on call surgeon called us right back. It is common to have this happen after a second surgery. A blood vessel broke and we need to put direct pressure on it for 20 minutes until our finger goes numb. I did this and it did stop. Though now all of the fluid has now built back up again and my boob is inflated and swollen. Painful to say the least. Hmmmmm.

I will let you know what I hear on Thursday.

Shawnae

September 11, 2009

2009-09-11T18:18:00.000-07:00

Appointment with the surgeon

Today I had my follow up appt. with the surgeon. He was just checking to see how well I was recovering and how the incisions were healing. Everything looks good. He told me that when they removed the tumor they removed with it 2mm of margins as well. When the had to go back in, because the margins weren't clear, they removed 1cm more around where the tumor was. The fluid build up that was sloshing has now absorbed back into my body. Good thing too because it was grossing Mark out. Ha!! He has a weak stomache for that sort of thing. So of course every now and then I had to jiggle it for effect. Grin!

My appointment that will mean something now will be on thursday the 17th. I will find out my treatment regimine from both the medical and radiology oncologist (2 separate doctors).
I will keep you updated on the choices that they give me.

Mark is on his way here now with the smaller boat in tow. I left Kalispell yesterday. We definitely get our driving in and mileage on the vehicles. We are going camping /boating somewhere around here. Haven't decided where yet. But, wherever it is it will be beautiful and fun and we will be together. I know, mushy huh?

Chat more later.
Shawnae

recovering nicely

2009-09-07T08:37:00.000-07:00

I am enjoying a wonderful weekend here with Mark and the kids. Molly and I picked 2 buckets of apples from the apple trees and we made Zucchini apple bread. I have never had it before but it was delicious and was gone in a heartbeat. Mark and the kids helped him put the rocks up on the roof so he could finish the outside of the chimney. It is looking really nice. We all went target shooting with the rifles later on in the night and then watch a movie.

My bruising around my armpit/sentinal node is healing nicely and the bruising is finally gone. I am taking less and less pain pills and using the ibuprofen now for the swelling. It will be nice when all visual effects of this surgery will be gone.

Have a great Labor Day!

Shawnae

the results are in....

2009-09-05T06:18:00.000-07:00

The surgeon called yesterday to let me know that all of the margins that were removed from the last surgery came back clear. All cancer has been removed from the breast. This is such fantastic news. So the next steps now are appointments with the medical and radiology Oncologists. They will discuss my plans and options for treatment. But for sure I am looking at radiation.

I did have a question for the nurse though today. I have fluid build-up in my left breast and I can now hear it sloshing around when I walk. It is like having a water balloon (this is not over exaggerated either.) She told me what it was so I went and looked it up and here is what I found.

Following lumpectomy, a space remains in the breast that was previously occupied by breast tissue. It is natural for spaces such as this to fill with fluid as the body responds normally to this missing tissue. The term "seroma" is the name for clear fluid buildup; the word "hematoma" is used to describe a blood collection. Finding fluid in the lumpectomy space is in no way abnormal. In most instances the body will reabsorb the fluid within a year after surgery, and longer periods of time are not rare. On occasion, the fluid formation may be uncomfortable and may even protrude from the breast. In these instances, your surgeon may elect to aspirate some of the fluid. Remember, there is no cause for concern. It is best, however, if you allow your doctor to recheck this area to make sure that you are healing properly.

Mark and Molly invited me up to their house this weekend and I accepted. We all decided I could recover here just as well as I can at my house. So, I drove up yesterday and was here by 3pm. Just in time for dinner. Mark made German stroganoff, salad and fresh corn on the cob. His friend, Dan, also joined us for dinner.

Home from 2nd surgery

2009-09-02T19:35:00.000-07:00

Today was quite a wild ride. Surgery was scheduled for 11:45. Lee and I were on our way and in the parking lot when a nurse called and said an emergency came in and they were running about 2 hours behind. So I went home, changed into my tennis shoes and went out for a walk. If I stayed home all my food in the house would have been calling my name.
After walking about 30 min. she called again and said they juggled some stuff and can get us in now. So Lee picked me up where I was and we went up, started the IV and my surgeon came in and talked to us. He also let us know that another emergency came in and I would have to wait again.
Our discussion was what we know. That the margins weren't good and that he needed to get them all. He will take out a little more of an area closer to the nipple and closer to the outside of the breast. He also said they found that I have both types of cancer, ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS), invasive ductal carcinoma (IDC). The IDC we knew but the other we didn't he believes that it is a small amount but if this comes back that there is more to get he would be worried there are little patches all over and we can't just keep going in taking little by little. A masectomy would be in order then. Ugh! I will pray for the best but I didn't like hearing that.
I got in for surgery around 4:30 and I came home at about 8. A lot less pain this time coming out of it because they knew what meds to use with me this time. Praise God!
He will have these results back now in a couple of days. So in the meantime recovery, pills, ice and waiting.

Second surgery is scheduled

2009-09-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

Doctor called today and my second surgery is scheduled for tomorrow at 11:45. They sure got me in quickly. Wow! Not even time to think about it but I guess that is for the best. After discussion with the radiologist they will not be doing the ultrasound beforehand because of all of the inflamation that I have from the first surgery. It would mask any findings. He had put in the stitches marking where he had taken tissue out so he will go with that marker that he made. I will go in and have an IV started, have the anasteshia started and then off to surgery. It will be a lot less labor intensive since we don't have to do the process with the wires or the sentinal node.

I am confused though because on the phone his nurse discussed with me the possibility of chemotherapy. I was under the assumption that we weren't going to have to do that since the sentinal node came back negative and my tumor was receptive to hormones. So I am really wanting to discuss all of this now with the medical oncologist. Hmmmm. So, here goes the waiting game again.

I will let you know how everything comes out tomorrow. Until then.....

Love,
Shawnae

Results of tests

2009-08-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

It is Monday and I just got the call from the doctor with the results of the tests that they were performing during the weekend. He said there is good news and bad news. Good news is that the sentinal node is still benign and lymph nodes are free of cancer. That is fantastic. The bad news is that the margins around the tumor are still cancerous and so I have to go back in for another surgery to remove the remaining cancer that was left there. I have attached what I found.

After lumpectomy, all the tissue removed from the breast is examined carefully to see if cancer cells are present in the margins — the normal tissue surrounding the tumor. If cancer cells are found in the margins extending out to the edge of the breast tissue that was removed, your surgeon will perform additional surgery (called re-excision) to remove the remaining cancer.
Re-excision lumpectomy, or simply re-excision, means surgically re-opening the lumpectomy site to try to remove a larger margin of cancer-free tissue. When cancer cells are found close to the edge of the lumpectomy margin, re-excision is necessary to ensure that all the cancer is gone. You may hear your surgeon refer to re-excision as "clearing the margins."

He says that reopening the same incision is the best but it will not heal as nicely because it has been done twice. He is also speaking to the radiologist to see if they should do another ultrasound to see how much more they need to remove. I will keep you posted when the next surgery will be but he wants it soon. I have to say that I am not thrilled about this but I feel confident that my doctor is excellent and will do what is needed to get this all taken care of.

Saturday August 29, 2009

2009-08-29T18:48:00.000-07:00

Two days after surgery now and I am feeling a lot better. Last night Mark and I went for a 1/2 mile walk after dinner. It was nice to get out and have some fresh air. I have had lots of friends come by with flowers and love. I got flowers brought to the hospital from my work and my son, Justin 18, sent me a beautiful bouquet. I am so touched by all of your thoughtfulness. I feel blessed to have friends and family who care. Thank you.
Mark described to me a client who buys books from garage sales and then resells them on E-bay and makes a huge profit. He brings in about $100 a day and $2000/ mo. That is awesome. So for our entertainment this morning we went to garage sales with the sole purpose to purchase stuff that we would think would resell on E-bay for a profit and we will put that profit money into a vacation fund. We had a great time. Though we started out in the hole buying items for our own use. LOL!! Mark found brand new dress shirts still in pins and couldn't pass them up for a dollar a piece. I found a nice pottery handmade decanter that would look great in my living room for a dollar. After that we started shopping for E-Bay.
After about 3 or 4 hours of this I was pooped and without ice swollen to double the size. So, we came home and iced up and watched a movie. Lynne, who works in the office with me, stopped by and brought fresh halibut, and veges from her garden (green beans, cucumbers, tomatoes and raspberries) and a bottle of white wine. I made dinner (delicious recipe posted below) while Mark was so kind to fix my back windows in my Durango that I had previously bought parts for. He is so dang handy!!
Well, there is the update of how things are going. Still sore, swelling is still there, very bruised, but time cures all. I am thrilled to have Mark here with me and he has been a HUGE help, though I have been reprimanded quite a few times for being stubborn and getting things myself and not allowing him to do it for me. It is that independent side that I have. Ooops.
Love to you all,
Shawnae

What's for Dinner...

2009-08-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

Seafood Dinner for Two

INGREDIENTS (Nutrition)
2 (4 ounce) halibut fillets
6 scallops
6 peeled and deveined jumbo shrimp, tail still attached
1/3 cup dry white wine
2 tablespoons melted butter
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon seafood seasoning, such as Old Bay™
1 teaspoon minced garlic
Salt and pepper to taste
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley

DIRECTIONS
Preheat oven to 450 degrees F (230 degrees C).
Arrange the halibut, scallops, and shrimp in an oven-safe, glass baking dish. Drizzle with wine, butter, and lemon juice. Sprinkle with the seasoning and garlic. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
Bake in preheated oven until the halibut has turned white, and is flaky, 10 to 12 minutes. Sprinkle with parsley just before serving.

Surgery Done!

2009-08-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Shawnae had her surgery today, and by all accounts, was quite successful. The sentinel node removal and test was benign (preliminary results), so that is very very good news.

The lumpectomy was also successful and the surgeon felt confident that he got the whole tumor and good "margins" around it. They are sending that off for testing too - we should know more early next week.

Right now, Nae is at home and snoozing (good/strong pain medication) but asked me to update this briefly for her. She is experiencing quite a bit of discomfort tonight - - - in other words, it hurts pretty bad tonight.

I'm sure she'll write more tommorow, but for now . . . so far, so good.

~markb

second opinion comfirms the first.

2009-08-24T21:43:00.000-07:00

I called the surgeon's nurse today and she let me know that the Dr. from OK confirmed that the first biopsy is cancerous. Sucks... but at least I feel better about the finding and the answer. So, surgery is set then for this Thursday at the Bozeman Deaconess Hospital. I will go in at about 6am and be released at about 3pm. Mark will be taking me and is going to stay the entire time and then take me home. I told him he didn't have to stay during the time I was out. That is just silly. But he wouldn't hear of it.

On a lighter note. Alex, my 13 yo, and I went fishing tonight up at Hyalite Reservior. It is only about 15 miles from town and absolutely sensational. Here are some scenery pictures that I wanted to share of beautiful Bozeman.

It is drawing near....

2009-08-20T19:21:00.000-07:00

I got a call today from someone on the hospital staff to do a preliminary check for surgery. They do the rundown on my medical history. Much I do not know. Lori was with me when I saw the surgeon and I learned a lot about my families history....which I will probably forget in a month. I don't even remember my own medical history. She asked if I had any surgeries that required anesthesia. Yes I did, but I couldn't recall what they were. I ought to be doing something about my memory loss not breast cancer. Awkward grin!! After talking with her for 15 minutes I finally remembered both occasions. Brother!

I was told of the do's and don'ts before surgery. I ought to starve to death before they even put me under. Hmmm! I can't even have a morning cup of coffee. (or wear make-up for that matter) Wow, that's a bad day in my world. I better have a good hair day to make up for it.

So, I guess that things are underway now. Hopefully the 2nd opinion will be back before Thurs.
I would hate to go through another week of waiting. Just want to get it all rolling now.

Ciao,
Shawnae

Hmmmm...

2009-08-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it is the waiting game. A girl could get lost in her own thoughts and never be found. Mark commented this last weekend, how wierd it was that here I am, the girl that he is dating, full of life, spirit, and spunk. I am the same person in and out. I still love to do the same things, I act the same way, and look the same. Though here I am now 3 weeks later and everything has changed.

I think to myself, no big deal. We will just go in and remove this sucker, treatment and then move on. But every now and then I just get caught in this whirlwind of emotion that rips me apart. It is all so sureal. This can't be happening to me. I pray that God gives me peace of mind. I would rather just go through the motions without thinking.

Love to you all,

Shawnae

Surgery date is scheduled

2009-08-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

On my way home from Mark's today I spent my time on the phone with the surgeons nurse and got everything squared away. Hopefully! My biopsy went out for a 2nd opinion on Friday. It will take 10 days to 2 weeks for the results. We have scheduled surgery tentatively for August 27th which is a Thurs. I can get in my work week and Mark can get in most of his and then work from my house. He is coming down Wed. night so that he can drive me to the hospital and home and help me out post surgery. I welcome the help and know he is a huge blessing. I am a very lucky girl to have him in my life. Hea has been tremendous through all of this. Though, he may change his mind if I am not a good patient. Grin!! I will have to stay on my best behavior so I don't run him off.
Until then I think it will be 2 weeks of no more tests and just waiting for results and surgery.
It will be a long 2 weeks I am sure. Thank you for all of the warm wishes and prayers. They mean a lot.

Love to you all,

Shawnae

Pee eew!!! This isn't Flower.

2009-08-15T16:12:00.001-07:00

Tonight after making homemade salsa from vegetable bought from a corner stand and Mark made frozen raspberry and cherry jam, He yells to me "Shawnae come here, hurry, there is a skunk on the porch. Oh cute. Well, Mark then tells me about the problem that he had a while back with about 13 of them living under the garage. Took a while and smell to get rid of them. He filled up the space under the garage after that with concrete to avoid that problem again. So, Mark scares this one off and it goes running into a small space under the garage. Oh no!!
The skunk ends up coming back out so Mark goes and gets his 22 and kills it. It spray, but it's dead. Then we see another one stick its' nose out from under the garage. Uh oh, problem is back.

August 14, 2009

2009-08-14T19:48:00.000-07:00

I had my visit to the Medical Oncologist (MO) today. Just two weeks ago I couldn't tell you what this profession was. However, today I could tell you that he is the doctor that decides what my treatment will be following the surgery. He let me know that the hormone receptor status test results were back. They test the sample of the first biopsy to find out how the tumor will react to the hormones therapy. Mine tested well. Meaning if I need that treatment after radiation I may be able to avoid having chemotherapy.
I also decided today, after much discussion with my sisters and the MO that I am going to send my first biopsy out to a doctor in Tulsa, OK to have a second opinion. The results will be back in 7-10 days. In the mean time I will try to schedule surgery for 2 weeks from Monday.

On a brighter side, I am at Mark's now. I got here at about 3:30 and started dinner. I made three cheese manicotti w italian sausage, a green salad w green leaf lettuce picked fresh from Mark's garden, garlic bread, and a glass of Cabarnet Sauvignon. Delicious. It is 52 degrees outside so se sat in front of the fire after dinner, Mark on his back snoring by me reading email. Grin. Fat and happy.

We are canning green beans now that we both picked out of his

garden this evening. we are doing 10 jars in his pressure cooker

which I hear it steaming and rocking behind me. Jerry, It sounds l

ike a train coming through the kitchen if I close my eyes.

Here is a picture of the beans. I hope that you all have a great weekend. We will!!

Great News!!

2009-08-13T16:35:00.000-07:00

First I want to thank eveyone for their prayers. They have paid off. The biopsy surgery results got called to me a few minutes ago and both are benign (non cancerous). YIPEE!!!

A letter from a friend who just went through all of this last year!!

2009-08-13T13:41:00.000-07:00

Shawnae,

Damn, girl. I’m so glad you went in for a mammogram. People our age think we’re too young to worry about, but look at us. I can totally relate and understand everything you wrote about and what you’re going thru. My cancer was DCIS, ductal carcinoma in situ, which means non-invasive cancer. It stayed w/in the ducts, so I had no lymph nodes to remove or worry about. That breast MRI was kind of weird for me. My face got tingly numb partial thru. They told me it was probably my reaction to the dye. I will have one of those every other year now, w/mammograms each year. The biopsy where I had to lie on a table w/my boob hanging thru a hole for 45 minutes was the worst test I had. That dye stings, especially in such a sensitive area.

Having surgery on both sides sucks. For me, the worst part was a huge bandage, about a 9” square, they put on after surgery. Every time I moved it was really uncomfortable. That came off in 3 days and I felt better after that. I had to sleep propped up because the blood flow to my breast laying down was painful. So is rolling over. Of course having a 2nd surgery for me a week later didn’t help. They give you an ice pack. Use it! That helped tremendously. They told me to put it on for 15 minutes every hour or two for the first few days. I did all of that and more. The percoset worked better than the Lortab, but it made me more tired, so I only used that for the first few days when the pain was the worst. Is Mark coming to help you? You’ll need help, Shawnae. I’m pretty darn independent, but it’s nice to have someone there to help fill up the ice pack, get you something to eat, and just keep an eye on you. I didn’t nap a lot, but dozed in and out.

Radiaton: This wasn’t too bad. I was lucky that a Canadian study came out just before I started radiation that showed a 3 week stint of a higher dose of radiation was just as effective as the 6 weeks they’re used for years. This study confirmed results from some earlier ones. Ask your doctor or your radiation oncologist (when you get one) about it or look it up yourself. It probably came out in Sept. or Oct. last year. Radiation becomes a part of your routine and doesn’t take long. You’ll probably have a CT scan to “map” your treatment and you’ll get tattooed, literally, to mark where the beams go. They did a “dry run” on the radiation machine before my 16 sessions started. I didn’t really notice being too tired. You get quite tan in the area, mine being a big square. I kept aloe on it everyday (after your session) and didn’t really notice any dryness. It wasn’t until I was almost done that I noticed kind of a burning feeling on my skin, mostly rolling over in bed or w/my arm resting on my side. It’s because the radiation builds up over time. Since you are so fair, you’re more prone to skin problems. The burning lasted about a week after treatment, but really wasn’t a problem. I didn’t wear a bra for months. Forget the underwire or push ‘em up too. I had one of those and it left an indent, literally, in my boob since the tissue is so soft and healing.

Please let me know how your next test results go. The waiting is awful. For us, so many tests and surgeries were done on a Friday. That sure made for a long weekend. I know you’ll do great, though. Please, please, call me anytime. Nobody understands the emotional thing, either, unless you’ve been there. I get emotional now writing to you about it. I’d love to talk w/you.

Love Sheila

At your request for more photos...

2009-08-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

I was just asked by my aunt to post some more pictures of my boys and Mark. I am new to all of this but it seems like it is working.

The first is Alex, 13, red head, on the West Gallatin River near Belgrade, MT.

Next is Justin, 18, camping 2 weekends ago near Harlowtown, MT.

The 3rd is Mark and I just this last weekend up at Grotto Falls, Hyalite Reservoir near Bozeman, MT

A book for friends and family

2009-08-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

While doing some research on breast cancer, I came across this book. I am horrible when it comes to sicknesses and death. I don't know what to say or how to deal with it. I think I may even read this book to help me along socially. Having been diagnosed with breast cancer now, friends and people I just meet have cancer too. What do I say to them? A great book to check out at the library. http://www.lorihope.com/

Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know.

by: Lori Hope

-->
What People with Cancer Want You to Know
Five of the "20 things people with cancer want you to know"

• "It's okay to say or do the 'wrong' thing."
• "I like to hear success stories, not horror stories."
• "I need to forget and laugh." (Mark is super at this)
• "I need to feel hope."
• "Telling me to think positively can make me feel worse."

Time to go to work...

2009-08-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

Well, my first biopsy 2 weeks ago wasn't very painful and I pretty much bounced right back. I figured after this one, "no problem I will go back to work the next day and not lose any hours".
Wow, was I fooling myself. I woke up in SO much pain. Especially the left breast. I have to wear my bra to bed. They instructed me to wear it for 24 hours after the surgery. Which is fine because it holds the ice packs in place. I woke up this morning though and the ice packs were warm, understandably, and the Tylenol had worn off. ZOWIE!! I had to sleep in my shirt that I wore yesterday to the surgery because I couldn't lift my arms to get it off. I suppose I will wear it today too. LOL! Good thing I am not going out. I am sure that my hair is wild too. Grin!!
So, I have now taken some Tylenol and put in the ice pack and climbed back into bed. Lying down is painful so going back to sleep right now is not an option. So here I am blogging to all of you. My roommate was so kind as to bring me a cup of coffee.
Well, hope you all have a great day.
I will be going to my Medical Oncologist appointment on Friday at 8, with my SUV packed and then heading out to Kalispell. Plans are to take the big boat out to Wild Horse Island on Flathead Lake. Do some hiking and fishing and my favorite, suntanning in my bikini on the front of the boat. Then this weekend we will also pick the green beans out of his garden and can those. I have never canned and am looking forward to learning. Mark, I am sure, will be a great teacher. Being blonde as I am though, he might have to splain it twice. Ha!!
Have a great day and I will send a picture of the island when I get back.

Aug. 12, 2009

2009-08-12T17:17:00.000-07:00

Hello,

I am sitting at my dining room table after coming home from the hospital dying to just get back to normal routine. So, I pull out

fresh asparagus
olive oil
fresh diced garlic
diced onion

throw it in a pan to sautee. If you haven't tried asparagus this way you should. Delicious and crisp. (throw in white wine for better taste) cook on med. for about 6 min.

then I had some cubed turkey, diced italian tomatoes, red wine and rice and put that all together and simmered. Mmmmm. Dinner. Normal.

okay, ultrasound guided biopsy.

Lee and I arrived at 12:30. Went in and Susan started the ultrasoud in the areas that were detected on the MRI. Left is at about 3:30 position and the rt. is under the nipple.
If they didn't find the areas we would not be able to biopsy today and we would have to reschedule for the MRI biopsy. I told her joking (but not) that was not an option.

She found both areas. Left was easy to locate. The right she found the area but it looked like fatty cells. They biopsied it anyway to rule it out. Leave no stone unturned.

The left breast was numbed. He used all of the solution and I still felt him doing it. Ouch!!
It was a long needle that he turned in a corkscrew type of motion up and in getting about 5-8 samples each. The right breast was numbed enough that I didn't feel it. Just a lot of pressure.
Then they placed a titanium clip on both areas so when they do mammograms, or MRI's they will be able to see those areas and watch them. They are never removed.

They offer a 15 minute comlimentary massage which I accepted gratefully. We were finally all done and out the door at 4 pm. Poor Lee having to wait that whole time. Though she was able to sit through the initial ultrasound. I was glad she came along for support.

I will not know the results until friday when I see the Medical oncologist for the meet and greet.
I will update you with those results when I get them. I will try not to make you wait through the weekend. The waiting is the worst part.

Love ya,
Shawnae

Aug. 10, 2009

2009-08-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

Today I received a phone call from my doctor for the findings of my MRI.
They have found 2 new lumps. One in the left just centimeters from the first found and one in the right.
He would like me to come in again and have another ultrasound guided biopsy to determine if they too are cancerous.
Appointment time for that is Wed. Aug 12

Please pray they are benign.

Aug. 7, 2009

2009-08-11T17:50:00.000-07:00

Today I had my MRI. It was a little much on the nerves. First I am in this Hospital that immediately feels intimidating. But, they walk you into this room with a huge vault door. Everything in the room is wood and steel with magnetic signs all over. I hope I really did remove all of my jewelry and didn't miss anything.
I am place on a machine bed face down with my brests in two holes and an IV connected to my inner arm. I am told a blue die (contrast), that lights up on the findings, will be shot into my IV during the last 7 minutes. I am pushed into a round tube and the loud banging begins. The noise is heard loudly over the top volume country music I have chosen to drown out the noise.
One hour later I am finished and sent on my way.
They will know the results after the weekend.
The waiting game begins again.

July 27, 2009

2009-08-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

Hello all,

I am writing to kind of give you an overview of what is going on with the findings. I had a lump that was found on the ultrasound after the mammogram. They biopsied it and found that it is cancerous.

I went in and met with the surgeon yesterday. He gave me an exam and basically checked out under my armpits where the lymphnodes are to see if everything there was alright. It was.

We then discussed my options for removal. It is 8x10x14 mm in size. The largest part of it is the width of your thumbnail. They are rated 1-3 with 3 being the worst, mine is a 1. The good parts are I am young, they found it early, it is small, and there is no evidence that it has spread to the lymphnodes at this stage. The cancer I have is called invasive ductoral cancer. It is harder to treat because it can spread to the lymph nodes.

What I will most likely have done for removal and treatment:

1. MRI- tomorrow to view both breast to see if there are any more lumps. if so find out if they are cancerous.
2. Surgery- a Sentinal node biopsy. It is centrally located in the lympnodes in the armpit. while they send that out to be tested.....
3. a Lumpectomy- cut a small incision and remove the lump and a small layer of tissue surrounding that in case it has spread. Then get the findings from the sent. node biopsy. If it is negative he is done. If positive he has to remove the lymhnodes.
4. After the surgery- I will be at home for 2 weeks recovering, no work.
5. 2 weeks after that I have to have 6 weeks radiation, 5 days a week, M-F for half hour sessions. These, I am told, have no real side effects at first but as time goes on it makes you very tired, sluggish, can't do as much in a day. I will also get like a sunburn at the radiation target area.
Hopefully at that point it will be done and there will be no more steps. Otherwise there is Chemo. Well there it is. If you have anymore questions about it let me know. I am a roller coaster of emotions right now as I amsure that you are. I am sorry to throw this at you but I thought you should know. I am exhausted from my day so headed to bed. A very early day tomorrow and then the MRI.
Love you, Shawnae