Well, it is just that, another day in March. Nothing special. I am trying though to get back my body for summertime. Man that feels like a horrible battle that I will never win. I feel like I eat way too many salads and I am in the gym, what feels like every day. Why can't a spring month arrive, I shed my winter coat, and with that off come the pounds? Why does it have to be so dang difficult? It wasn't that hard to put it on! I don't even remember doing it. But, all of the sudden, there it was. My pants went up a size and my bathroom scale was showing me some crazy number. That can't be right!
So, here I am on the eliptical, no motivation whatsoever, huffing and puffing. Sigh! After that I head to the weights. Now remember this is the first I have done this since the surgery. I used to be a pretty buff gal. I believe I was pressing 70 lbs. on my normal machine (I couldn't tell you what that machine is called , I just do it). I can now barely press 20 lbs. I am shaking like crazy and my breasts feel separate from my chest wall. It is the weirdest feeling ever. It feels like if I keep doing this, my boobs are just going to slide off of my body! What the heck is this all about? Someone should have warned me about this. I do as many reps as I can, which I think were only like 10. I feel so comepletely lightheaded and totally defeated. I get up to go to the locker room and I can barely walk. I think I may pass out. This is so embarrassing and humiliating. And of course I feel like everyone can see it on me. I get to the locker room finally and sit down for about 5 min. until I can catch my breath and I have a little crying session with myself. I feel like such a wuss!
It has been about 2 weeks since then, and I have taken a few yoga classes, a kick boxing class and done my normal eliptical and weights routine. Getting on the weight machine today I realize that I am improving and my boobs are feeling more connected now and I may not have them slide onto the floor. Thank goodness! I am pressing 35 lbs. now and am feeling a little more confident.
I have swiched from the emu oil to a scar guard and seeing if that will help to reduce the scars any quicker. Who knows which product is the best. Test and try.
I haven't lost any weight yet but at least I am working on it and getting in there. My muscle tone has to be improving and in due time the weight will come off.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Another routine visit. December 14, 2011
Mark and I headed down to Missoula after work for another visit with Dr. Hardy. My incision on the left breast had again opened up in 2 places. It again was a couple of sutures that my body didn't absorb and it gets pussy, opens the incision and spits out the suture. This time he did not stitch it up. It was only open on the surface and we just let my body heal and close on it's own.
Questions that I had were:
Why do my breast hurt so badly in the cold?
Because it is silicone and not my own tissue it does not heat up like the rest of my body. This causes my muscles in the breast to tense up. He said I just need to move somewhere warm. Okay! I can deal with that! Tropical? Heck yes! The girls look better in a bikini top anyway rather than a nonflattering parka!
Why am I having such intense pain in my back?
I am guarding it. I need to exercise and stretch those muscles. So when I got home I googled physical therapy stretching after breast surgery. I have been doing those now and what a world of difference. Don't baby it...stretch it.
http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/MoreInformation/exercises-after-breast-surgery
Will my cancer breast implant ever drop and not be so stiff?
Massage, massage, massage. But the answer was an alarming NO! Hmmm....I don't think that is what he had said on previous visits. I can look back to other blogs, but I think he had said, "gravity will eventually take its course." Now that is not the case. Matter of a fact he also said that he may have to go in there and remove scar tissue if it becomes a problem. He may have to do that a couple of times. What? Grrr!
Well, All in all the visit went fine. Just heard some things that I wasn't too excited about but I will have to live with that.
The girls look great compared to what they did before this whole process and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!
Questions that I had were:
Why do my breast hurt so badly in the cold?
Because it is silicone and not my own tissue it does not heat up like the rest of my body. This causes my muscles in the breast to tense up. He said I just need to move somewhere warm. Okay! I can deal with that! Tropical? Heck yes! The girls look better in a bikini top anyway rather than a nonflattering parka!
Why am I having such intense pain in my back?
I am guarding it. I need to exercise and stretch those muscles. So when I got home I googled physical therapy stretching after breast surgery. I have been doing those now and what a world of difference. Don't baby it...stretch it.
http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/MoreInformation/exercises-after-breast-surgery
Will my cancer breast implant ever drop and not be so stiff?
Massage, massage, massage. But the answer was an alarming NO! Hmmm....I don't think that is what he had said on previous visits. I can look back to other blogs, but I think he had said, "gravity will eventually take its course." Now that is not the case. Matter of a fact he also said that he may have to go in there and remove scar tissue if it becomes a problem. He may have to do that a couple of times. What? Grrr!
Well, All in all the visit went fine. Just heard some things that I wasn't too excited about but I will have to live with that.
The girls look great compared to what they did before this whole process and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Uh oh. I popped a suture!
Friday, November 4th, I had to go back to the doctor for an urgent visit. A few days before, my incision got infected. I called the office and they told me that is normal. My body isn't absorbing the stitches on the inside. They advised me to heat pack it and it should suck out the infection and spit out any pieces of stitches that were left in there. That night I did just that and heat packed it. When I woke up that morning I looked at it and the incision was now an open hole the size of a pea. I went to work and gave the office a call to find out what to do.
the doctor said if it is actually open and I could stick a Q-tip or an actual pea in the hole then it needs to be stitched up. The implant could get infected and he would have to remove it and replace it with a new one. He said we have come too far for that to happen. So, I finished up early at work and drove to Missoula.
When I got there he was very surprised that it was in the non radiated breast. He was very glad that I came in. It needed to be cleaned out and stitched up. He gave me a few local shots near the area to numb it. He stitched me up with 5 stitches, added some betadine, and covered it with some guaze. I am instructed to keep it clean and dry and to not soak in the hot tub for 2 weeks. I was also put on an antibiotic just in case.
On the drive home the shots started to wear off and boy was that getting painful.
I am not to wear the strap now for 2 weeks so that the incision can heal. At 12 days Mark can cut out the stitches and I will be good as new again.
As far as my healing process to this point. I can lift about 25 lbs. I cannot put my hands totally above my head yet and I have a hard time reaching up for things. It still feels like the muscles in my chest tighten up super hard. In the morning, when waking, my muscles spasm like crazy. I wonder when all of that will stop. I have woken up a few times in the middle of the night with what feels like a sharp stabbing pain deep through my nipple. It makes me sit straight up in bed. I have gone into the gym but the only thing that I dare do right now is walking on the treadmill. In time my body will tell me when I can move on to the other things. I don't want to force anything and time goes so fast anyway that I will be there soon.
I will write again as more happens.
the doctor said if it is actually open and I could stick a Q-tip or an actual pea in the hole then it needs to be stitched up. The implant could get infected and he would have to remove it and replace it with a new one. He said we have come too far for that to happen. So, I finished up early at work and drove to Missoula.
When I got there he was very surprised that it was in the non radiated breast. He was very glad that I came in. It needed to be cleaned out and stitched up. He gave me a few local shots near the area to numb it. He stitched me up with 5 stitches, added some betadine, and covered it with some guaze. I am instructed to keep it clean and dry and to not soak in the hot tub for 2 weeks. I was also put on an antibiotic just in case.
On the drive home the shots started to wear off and boy was that getting painful.
I am not to wear the strap now for 2 weeks so that the incision can heal. At 12 days Mark can cut out the stitches and I will be good as new again.
As far as my healing process to this point. I can lift about 25 lbs. I cannot put my hands totally above my head yet and I have a hard time reaching up for things. It still feels like the muscles in my chest tighten up super hard. In the morning, when waking, my muscles spasm like crazy. I wonder when all of that will stop. I have woken up a few times in the middle of the night with what feels like a sharp stabbing pain deep through my nipple. It makes me sit straight up in bed. I have gone into the gym but the only thing that I dare do right now is walking on the treadmill. In time my body will tell me when I can move on to the other things. I don't want to force anything and time goes so fast anyway that I will be there soon.
I will write again as more happens.
Visit at one month
I had a one month visit today Oct 9th. We spent the night on Flathead Lake on the boat and did some fishing. The next morning we pulled the boat out of the lake and left it there on the trailer and drove on to Polson for our visit. He said that the left side still isn't dropping. He feels that it will but it is just a matter of time. Gravity will take its course. He said if for some reason it didn't, then he could go in there again surgically and cut into the muscle more and create a larger pocket for it to fall into. Though he would rather not do anymore cutting. I have to continue to wear my sports bra during the day and to bed. I am to continue on with the massaging. He didn't have a strap with him so I will have to get her to mail me a strap when it is in. It was a pretty short visit. Well I guess then I will continue on how it is all going.
As far as my movements, I am doing better at work. Everyone there is being extremely helpful.
As far as my movements, I am doing better at work. Everyone there is being extremely helpful.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Day ...hmmm...how many has it been?
Okay so it has been 11 days since the surgery and I can't even believe that I will have to go back to work on Monday. The 2 weeks that I had taken off for this surgery have just flown by. Not quite like I was laying on the beach in Mexico or something wonderfully tropical like that but it still has gone quickly.
Monday Mark and I drove over to Missoula. We had an appointment with the nurse to see how the progress is coming along. It is about a 10 minute visit with her and it is such a long drive and time to get there. However, we did know this when we chose our doctor so we grin and do it. In the long run it was the best choice. Something to consider when finding a plastic surgeon. There are quite a few follow up appointments that should be made and kept. Anyway, she got us in the room and I unveiled the girls. She was happy with what she saw. She said progress is coming along nicely but a little slow for the left breast. She showed us some exercises that I need to do a few times a day for a year. Basically I do it on both breasts at one time. I place the palm of my hands (one on one breast and one on the other) and press in from the outside, like I am making good cleavage, and hold it for 10-15 sec.
Then I press the opposite way from inside my cleavage with my fingertips like I am spreading them apart and hold. Then push down from the top and massage in circles for the same amount of time. On the bottom I pinch, like I am grabbing my whole boob, and push up and hold. I am guessing it all helps to put them in the area that they are eventually supposed to be on my chest and gets them to soften up. They are hard as a rock right now.
Because they are not dropping quite as fast as wanted she was going to give me a strap to put around them. This goes around my back, under my armpits and around the top of my breasts. This is left on there now basically at all times. It will help to push them down where they belong. They were out of stock on the strap so I received an ace bandage about 6-8" wide and it ends in Velcro. I don't like this near as well just because of the fact that I cannot put it on and take it off by myself. Mark has to do it every time because it goes around me twice. I did talk to one of the office gals today and she is going to order more and mail one to me.
I was told that I can start sleeping in bed now and we can move the recliner back into the living room. I was so glad about that. I was hoping that would make me a little more independent and Mark could get an undisturbed night of sleep. He was having to get up to let the lever down, on the recliner, to lower my legs. Well the bed didn't work out as planned. I laid in bed with one pillow under my head and one under my knees. I couldn't do any more under my head. It just didn't work for the back. Because of this, after 4 hours of sleeping, my whole body cramps up and I cannot get out of bed myself. I have to wake Mark up to lift me from a laying position. I can't even roll onto my side and roll out of bed. Ugh!
That was the end of our visit and the next appointment will be scheduled with the doctor one month from surgery date. UPDATE: The office called and the doctor will be in Polson for a short time this Sunday. It is about half the distance to Missoula. He has an office there that he will see patients for pre or post care. So we will take the boat out of the water early Sunday morning and head over to see him. We will be staying on the boat on Flathead lake that Saturday night. I am looking forward to seeing him since we haven't since the surgery.
As far as my mobility goes, it is getting better. I can now take a shower on my own and just barely wash my own hair. Shaving my legs is difficult but needs to be done. Funny the daily things that we take for granted. I can only lift my arms about armpit level and not really above my head yet. Reaching at this point is not allowed. I can lift a little less than a gallon of milk. I tire so easily and by the time Mark gets home from work I am a walking zombie. I am off all of my pain meds and muscle relaxers during the day but by night I am still taking the muscle relaxer. I wake up and my chest is flexing off and on by itself. It is like a charlie horse across my entire chest. Oh boy that hurts. I have been trying not to sleep by day so that I am good and tired and can sleep through the whole night. That isn't the case though. I usually wake at 4am and 6am. Which means...so does Mark. (It feels like we have a newborn in the house) Last night it was 2,4, and 6am. I am thinking maybe I will try sleeping on the couch tonight. Mark doesn't know this idea yet. If you have ever had kids, my boobs feel like they are filling up with milk. That really tight, sore, full feeling...that's it. When will they dry up...lol!
I cannot stand from a sitting position by using my arms. Can't push. My legs are getting quite the workout. And no twisting. it all pulls from the breast. Go ahead, try it. Amazing all the abuse these girls can normally handle in a day!
Well, that was a long post and I am signing off for now. I will post again after my appointment with the doctor.
Ciao!
Monday Mark and I drove over to Missoula. We had an appointment with the nurse to see how the progress is coming along. It is about a 10 minute visit with her and it is such a long drive and time to get there. However, we did know this when we chose our doctor so we grin and do it. In the long run it was the best choice. Something to consider when finding a plastic surgeon. There are quite a few follow up appointments that should be made and kept. Anyway, she got us in the room and I unveiled the girls. She was happy with what she saw. She said progress is coming along nicely but a little slow for the left breast. She showed us some exercises that I need to do a few times a day for a year. Basically I do it on both breasts at one time. I place the palm of my hands (one on one breast and one on the other) and press in from the outside, like I am making good cleavage, and hold it for 10-15 sec.
Then I press the opposite way from inside my cleavage with my fingertips like I am spreading them apart and hold. Then push down from the top and massage in circles for the same amount of time. On the bottom I pinch, like I am grabbing my whole boob, and push up and hold. I am guessing it all helps to put them in the area that they are eventually supposed to be on my chest and gets them to soften up. They are hard as a rock right now.
Because they are not dropping quite as fast as wanted she was going to give me a strap to put around them. This goes around my back, under my armpits and around the top of my breasts. This is left on there now basically at all times. It will help to push them down where they belong. They were out of stock on the strap so I received an ace bandage about 6-8" wide and it ends in Velcro. I don't like this near as well just because of the fact that I cannot put it on and take it off by myself. Mark has to do it every time because it goes around me twice. I did talk to one of the office gals today and she is going to order more and mail one to me.
I was told that I can start sleeping in bed now and we can move the recliner back into the living room. I was so glad about that. I was hoping that would make me a little more independent and Mark could get an undisturbed night of sleep. He was having to get up to let the lever down, on the recliner, to lower my legs. Well the bed didn't work out as planned. I laid in bed with one pillow under my head and one under my knees. I couldn't do any more under my head. It just didn't work for the back. Because of this, after 4 hours of sleeping, my whole body cramps up and I cannot get out of bed myself. I have to wake Mark up to lift me from a laying position. I can't even roll onto my side and roll out of bed. Ugh!
That was the end of our visit and the next appointment will be scheduled with the doctor one month from surgery date. UPDATE: The office called and the doctor will be in Polson for a short time this Sunday. It is about half the distance to Missoula. He has an office there that he will see patients for pre or post care. So we will take the boat out of the water early Sunday morning and head over to see him. We will be staying on the boat on Flathead lake that Saturday night. I am looking forward to seeing him since we haven't since the surgery.
As far as my mobility goes, it is getting better. I can now take a shower on my own and just barely wash my own hair. Shaving my legs is difficult but needs to be done. Funny the daily things that we take for granted. I can only lift my arms about armpit level and not really above my head yet. Reaching at this point is not allowed. I can lift a little less than a gallon of milk. I tire so easily and by the time Mark gets home from work I am a walking zombie. I am off all of my pain meds and muscle relaxers during the day but by night I am still taking the muscle relaxer. I wake up and my chest is flexing off and on by itself. It is like a charlie horse across my entire chest. Oh boy that hurts. I have been trying not to sleep by day so that I am good and tired and can sleep through the whole night. That isn't the case though. I usually wake at 4am and 6am. Which means...so does Mark. (It feels like we have a newborn in the house) Last night it was 2,4, and 6am. I am thinking maybe I will try sleeping on the couch tonight. Mark doesn't know this idea yet. If you have ever had kids, my boobs feel like they are filling up with milk. That really tight, sore, full feeling...that's it. When will they dry up...lol!
I cannot stand from a sitting position by using my arms. Can't push. My legs are getting quite the workout. And no twisting. it all pulls from the breast. Go ahead, try it. Amazing all the abuse these girls can normally handle in a day!
Well, that was a long post and I am signing off for now. I will post again after my appointment with the doctor.
Ciao!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Day 4 Post op
It is Thursday. Day 4 after surgery. I have read a lot of information about this procedure and how the recovery would progress. I feel that I am way behind in the recovery process comparatively. I figure that it is due to the cancer and radiation that was in my left breast. That is the side that is taking longer to feel better. I have a lot more mobility on my right side. Especially like the movement of my arms and the swelling in the arm pit area. I took a picture of the progress from the 2nd day post op and then today, day 4. I was pleasantly surprised how the implants are moving down and that the swelling really is going down. Funny I can't just notice that but a picture tells it all. They are now not as square looking on top. Girls had described their own post op implants as looking like Frankenstein, the square boxiness, and I could see that. Kind of a funny thought.
I am still on all of my medications and as of this point I can't even imagine backing off of them. The pain is still pretty intense and the pressure and tightness is overwhelming at times. The numbness feeling has worn off and I am getting ocassional shooting pains where the incisions are under my breasts and also in the chest between my cleavage. Someone reading this probably thinks, why would you put yourself through all of this pain and torture just for boobs. I believe that the outcome and the feeling and confidence I will regain about myself after a couple of months will definitely outweigh the pain I am having now. The left breast looks so amazing now compared to what it was. You can barely even see the incision from the lumpectomy. Mark had commented as such this morning when we looked at the progress.
I am still sleeping in the recliner with 2 king sized pillows behind me and my feet raised. I have done pretty well getting my sleep through the night. I only wake up twice during the night and it is because I have to go to the bathroom. I am drinking a lot of water throughout the day to stay good and hydrated. Mark helps me out of the chair because I cannot use the lever to lower my feet to be able to stand. He has been truly awesome. I couldn't have done this without him through the cancer and now. Both as a caregiver and an emotional ear. He is super patient with me and has a real willingness to help. That's my man! (big smile) I am a very lucky and a blessed girl. Thank you again Mark. I love you!!
I am still on all of my medications and as of this point I can't even imagine backing off of them. The pain is still pretty intense and the pressure and tightness is overwhelming at times. The numbness feeling has worn off and I am getting ocassional shooting pains where the incisions are under my breasts and also in the chest between my cleavage. Someone reading this probably thinks, why would you put yourself through all of this pain and torture just for boobs. I believe that the outcome and the feeling and confidence I will regain about myself after a couple of months will definitely outweigh the pain I am having now. The left breast looks so amazing now compared to what it was. You can barely even see the incision from the lumpectomy. Mark had commented as such this morning when we looked at the progress.
I am still sleeping in the recliner with 2 king sized pillows behind me and my feet raised. I have done pretty well getting my sleep through the night. I only wake up twice during the night and it is because I have to go to the bathroom. I am drinking a lot of water throughout the day to stay good and hydrated. Mark helps me out of the chair because I cannot use the lever to lower my feet to be able to stand. He has been truly awesome. I couldn't have done this without him through the cancer and now. Both as a caregiver and an emotional ear. He is super patient with me and has a real willingness to help. That's my man! (big smile) I am a very lucky and a blessed girl. Thank you again Mark. I love you!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
At the hotel day of surgery...
We arrived at the hotel and Mark checked us inWe stayed at the C'mon Inn because they have recliners in the room. This was a suggestion from the doctors that would make sleeping a little more easy. I had to have my headed elevated for 1-2 weeks. The girls at the hotel were just coming out of our room when we were walking down the hall. They were stocking our room with more blankets, pillows and tea. They also turned on the heater as the room was a little chilly. Great staff.
Mark parked me into the recliner with pillows all tucked around me and a blanket over me and he went out to bring in all of our bags. After that he made a trip back to Wal Mart to pick up the remaining scrip and a few items to stock in the fridge. I was wanting some yogurt. When he left I fell back to sleep. Mark came back and we ate a little and I decide to check out my new additions.
I unfastened the front of the bra. They are riding very high in my chest, as expected and they are kind of square looking. They are super rock firm. All of these things are what I had read online so I was okay. I think that they look great. The indentation from the lumpectomy has been pushed out from the mass of the implant and so all that you can really see there is a straight line scar. Really no dimpling. I am so pleased with that. It is hard to tell right now about the size because they are so swollen and they will drop out of the upper chest to where they are supposed to be. After 2 months I will pretty much be able to tell my ending bra size. Until then I have to wear this sports bra day and night for 2 months. That's okay because the pressure I think would be horrible without it. The bra holds them in and close to my chest.
So Mark and I just pretty much layed around for the entire day. I had him write down all of the meds that I had and what times they were to be taken so we wouldn't lose track. There were a few. Dr. Hardy also has me taking Bromelein, a pineapple extract which reduces inflamation and Montana Arnica which reduces bruising and the bleeding to a minimum. I like that he chose these two natural things for healing. I took lots of naps, I was in and out all day. They just wanted me to rest and do nothing. So....nothing I did.
Mark parked me into the recliner with pillows all tucked around me and a blanket over me and he went out to bring in all of our bags. After that he made a trip back to Wal Mart to pick up the remaining scrip and a few items to stock in the fridge. I was wanting some yogurt. When he left I fell back to sleep. Mark came back and we ate a little and I decide to check out my new additions.
I unfastened the front of the bra. They are riding very high in my chest, as expected and they are kind of square looking. They are super rock firm. All of these things are what I had read online so I was okay. I think that they look great. The indentation from the lumpectomy has been pushed out from the mass of the implant and so all that you can really see there is a straight line scar. Really no dimpling. I am so pleased with that. It is hard to tell right now about the size because they are so swollen and they will drop out of the upper chest to where they are supposed to be. After 2 months I will pretty much be able to tell my ending bra size. Until then I have to wear this sports bra day and night for 2 months. That's okay because the pressure I think would be horrible without it. The bra holds them in and close to my chest.
So Mark and I just pretty much layed around for the entire day. I had him write down all of the meds that I had and what times they were to be taken so we wouldn't lose track. There were a few. Dr. Hardy also has me taking Bromelein, a pineapple extract which reduces inflamation and Montana Arnica which reduces bruising and the bleeding to a minimum. I like that he chose these two natural things for healing. I took lots of naps, I was in and out all day. They just wanted me to rest and do nothing. So....nothing I did.
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