Happy Thanksgiving!

I can't believe that another year has gone by so quickly. Where does the time go?
Treatments have been going okay. The infection and pain is now gone. I have about 8 treatments left which include doubling up and the boosts. Doubling up will be one visit at 8am and another at 3 or 4pm. That will happen for the last 5 days. I will be thrilled to be done with all of this and get back to as normal of a life as I can.

Talk is still in order for me moving to Kalispell. We have to still figure out the dates though I am feeling that it will be sometime early in January. Mark has prepared a surprise 4 day weekend vacation for us following my last treatment on Friday Dec. 4th. He will go with me for my last session and meet the medical gang I have come to know and love. They have all been asking so much about him. Then we will go back to my house, grab our bags and we are to.....I don't know where. The anticipation is killing me but I am sure that it will be worth the wait. He is a sweet man to do this for us.

I am spending Thanksgiving time up in Kalispell with Mark's family. His parent's are also coming to visit at the same time from Wisconsin. It will be the first meet. I am looking forward to that.
I hope that you all have a wonderful time with your family and friends.

Love to you all,

Shawnae

I am feeling defeated!!

Up until now I have been going along with the plan that they have given me. I have gotten about 18 sessions of radiation under my belt (so to say). I was taking the Tamoxifen for a month but got off of it. I was having big memory issues. I have been off of it now for a couple of weeks and doing better. I will start up again when the radiation treatment is done. I love the girls that I see daily for my sessions and feel like they have become friends.

For the past week I have had a dull aching pain in my breast that had the surgery. Last night it became very painful and today it was unbearable. I called the doctor and got tin to see and found that I have an infection inside of my breast. He says that the fluids build up in there and sometimes don't drain the way that they are supposed to and with having radiation my immunity is down. He started me on a 10 day antibiotic and I am back on my pain pills. I am looking forward to no pain. The feeling of pain just brings back home that "I am a breast cancer patient". A bit of reality that is so hard for me to accept. When I feel the pain I feel defeated and less of who I am.

Well, there is my update. Have a good week everyone.

I love you all,

Shawnae

Happy Halloween!!

It is Halloween weekend and I spent the weekend here up at Mark's house. WE were chaperones to a teenaged bonfire. It went really well and they had a lot of fun. After the bonfire a few kids went home and 4 stayed. 6 teens total soaked in the hot tub and then watched 3 movies following that, so it was an all nighter.

Andrew, Molly and I carved pumpkins under the supervision of Mark. We turned out 3 fantastic looking pumkins. Andrew carved an owl under the full moon, Molly carved a bunny, and I carved a cauldron. Later that night the 4 of us went into town and went trick of treating. That was a lot of fun and there were a TON of kids on 3rd street. It was amazing. I have never seen that many kids trick or treating in one area. Molly dressed as a fairy, Andrew was a Greek General, Mark was the Sherriff (to greet the teens at the house) and I was a Gothic fairy.

This morning Mark made busquits and gravy for all the kids. We are headed to church so I better get into the shower.

Hope that you all had a great weekend!!

Football Senior Night

Senior Night in Roundup, MT. It is the last game of the season and they honor the seniors and their parents. I went up to join Justin for the event. Justin looked great and I loved just being there hugging on him and kissing his cheeks. They lost their game but it was still fun to watch. The weather was low 40's, windy as hell and then started to lightly rain. After half time the rain stopped and it wasn't too bad. We had a chilli dinner and cake with the senior athletes and parents. Gifts were given from coaches and staff and pictures were taken. Tears were being shed. It was a nice night all in all with a very small
town feel.

Justin was "released" from the group home and probation in May of last year. His best friend Tyler is also a senior this year and on the football team, quarterback, and he said to Justin that they had an extra room and I bet my mom, Sarah, would let you come stay with us. She did and loves having Justin there. I am not surprised. He is a wonderful kid and very helpful. Sarah said Justin was a
good influence on Tyler. The two of them together generally make good life decisions and compliment each other well.

We went to breakfast this morning, the 5 of us. Sarah also has a 13 year old daughter named Alicia. Their dad is "out of the picture" in life but he is Korean. She has beautiful kids just like my niece and nephew, Aaron and Angie.
Then we went and all got our flu vaccinations. All the kids had both flu shots and I had the swine flu shot since I am having radiation and on Tamoxifen, my immune system is down. Nothing but fun in Roundup. LOL!!

We dropped the kids off at the house and went to Sarah's moms' Flower Shop in Roundup. Cute little shop with a Farm touch. Selling candles,lotions, antiques, cookbooks and just girly things. I was in heaven. But I was a good girl and bought nothing. It was hard to do, she had some neat stuff. It was great beng able to get to know everyone and spending the time with them. Justin's graduation will be on May 23rd for anyone who would like to go.

Monday

I have now been to radiation for a week. Just 5 more weeks to go. Every monday I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Koplein, the radiation oncologist to make sure that everything is going okay and the skin on my breast is handling everything okay. This kind of worried me due to the fact that I have a $30 co-pay every time that I see him. That means $120 a month. I talked to him about my concern and he told me not to worry. He will take what the insurance pays and write off the rest. Truly these doctors here have been a blessing, understanding and compassionate. My appointment went well and everything is looking great.

Mark was curious as to what the radiation machine looks like. It is huge, white and intimidating for sure. I lay on a bed with my hands above my head holding to two handles. The bed raises up and back to the machine. That huge L shaped machine pivots around my chest and gets me from all angles. Hard to explain but I hope that you get the general idea. It takes a matter of 15 minutes a day. Most of that time is spent undressing and getting dressed.

Finished the week!

TGIF!! I finished the week and am glad to have the weekend to relax. I won tickets to the MSU bobcat football game on the radio so my roommate and I will be going to that on Saturday. I love football!!

It is getting better as far as the "life getting sucked out of me" thing. Could have been the anxiety leading up to the first few visits. It does make me tired though and I was in bed last night at 8pm. Way not normal for me!! And I haven't been walking so I need to do that, at least on the weekends. So that is where I am headed now. Gotta keep my girlish figure for my man. Wink!!

Ciao

1st day of Radiation

I had my first radiation therapy today. I got three tattoos that are permanent and the size of freckles. They line everything up with those markers. One is on my chest, under in the fold of my left breast and one slightly lower in my armpit. I was told I would not feel anything but that was not the fact. I felt a pulling on my throat and a tightening in my chest. Felt like they were sucking the life out of me in less than 3 minutes. Hopefully that was my imagination and tomorrow will go better. She, the nurse, thinks it is like your hair standing on end feeling but she has never had it done. This will continue now for 6 weeks, 5 days a week.

I also started the Tamoxifen on my last visit about a week and a half ago. I felt sick the second day and have been getting headaches. I am hoping that I will get used to the drug and those side effects will subside. I will be taking that for 5 years, though this month is a trial run.

I will let you know if tomorrow is any different.