Well, it is just that, another day in March. Nothing special. I am trying though to get back my body for summertime. Man that feels like a horrible battle that I will never win. I feel like I eat way too many salads and I am in the gym, what feels like every day. Why can't a spring month arrive, I shed my winter coat, and with that off come the pounds? Why does it have to be so dang difficult? It wasn't that hard to put it on! I don't even remember doing it. But, all of the sudden, there it was. My pants went up a size and my bathroom scale was showing me some crazy number. That can't be right!
So, here I am on the eliptical, no motivation whatsoever, huffing and puffing. Sigh! After that I head to the weights. Now remember this is the first I have done this since the surgery. I used to be a pretty buff gal. I believe I was pressing 70 lbs. on my normal machine (I couldn't tell you what that machine is called , I just do it). I can now barely press 20 lbs. I am shaking like crazy and my breasts feel separate from my chest wall. It is the weirdest feeling ever. It feels like if I keep doing this, my boobs are just going to slide off of my body! What the heck is this all about? Someone should have warned me about this. I do as many reps as I can, which I think were only like 10. I feel so comepletely lightheaded and totally defeated. I get up to go to the locker room and I can barely walk. I think I may pass out. This is so embarrassing and humiliating. And of course I feel like everyone can see it on me. I get to the locker room finally and sit down for about 5 min. until I can catch my breath and I have a little crying session with myself. I feel like such a wuss!
It has been about 2 weeks since then, and I have taken a few yoga classes, a kick boxing class and done my normal eliptical and weights routine. Getting on the weight machine today I realize that I am improving and my boobs are feeling more connected now and I may not have them slide onto the floor. Thank goodness! I am pressing 35 lbs. now and am feeling a little more confident.
I have swiched from the emu oil to a scar guard and seeing if that will help to reduce the scars any quicker. Who knows which product is the best. Test and try.
I haven't lost any weight yet but at least I am working on it and getting in there. My muscle tone has to be improving and in due time the weight will come off.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Another routine visit. December 14, 2011
Mark and I headed down to Missoula after work for another visit with Dr. Hardy. My incision on the left breast had again opened up in 2 places. It again was a couple of sutures that my body didn't absorb and it gets pussy, opens the incision and spits out the suture. This time he did not stitch it up. It was only open on the surface and we just let my body heal and close on it's own.
Questions that I had were:
Why do my breast hurt so badly in the cold?
Because it is silicone and not my own tissue it does not heat up like the rest of my body. This causes my muscles in the breast to tense up. He said I just need to move somewhere warm. Okay! I can deal with that! Tropical? Heck yes! The girls look better in a bikini top anyway rather than a nonflattering parka!
Why am I having such intense pain in my back?
I am guarding it. I need to exercise and stretch those muscles. So when I got home I googled physical therapy stretching after breast surgery. I have been doing those now and what a world of difference. Don't baby it...stretch it.
http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/MoreInformation/exercises-after-breast-surgery
Will my cancer breast implant ever drop and not be so stiff?
Massage, massage, massage. But the answer was an alarming NO! Hmmm....I don't think that is what he had said on previous visits. I can look back to other blogs, but I think he had said, "gravity will eventually take its course." Now that is not the case. Matter of a fact he also said that he may have to go in there and remove scar tissue if it becomes a problem. He may have to do that a couple of times. What? Grrr!
Well, All in all the visit went fine. Just heard some things that I wasn't too excited about but I will have to live with that.
The girls look great compared to what they did before this whole process and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!
Questions that I had were:
Why do my breast hurt so badly in the cold?
Because it is silicone and not my own tissue it does not heat up like the rest of my body. This causes my muscles in the breast to tense up. He said I just need to move somewhere warm. Okay! I can deal with that! Tropical? Heck yes! The girls look better in a bikini top anyway rather than a nonflattering parka!
Why am I having such intense pain in my back?
I am guarding it. I need to exercise and stretch those muscles. So when I got home I googled physical therapy stretching after breast surgery. I have been doing those now and what a world of difference. Don't baby it...stretch it.
http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/MoreInformation/exercises-after-breast-surgery
Will my cancer breast implant ever drop and not be so stiff?
Massage, massage, massage. But the answer was an alarming NO! Hmmm....I don't think that is what he had said on previous visits. I can look back to other blogs, but I think he had said, "gravity will eventually take its course." Now that is not the case. Matter of a fact he also said that he may have to go in there and remove scar tissue if it becomes a problem. He may have to do that a couple of times. What? Grrr!
Well, All in all the visit went fine. Just heard some things that I wasn't too excited about but I will have to live with that.
The girls look great compared to what they did before this whole process and I would do it all again in a heartbeat!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Uh oh. I popped a suture!
Friday, November 4th, I had to go back to the doctor for an urgent visit. A few days before, my incision got infected. I called the office and they told me that is normal. My body isn't absorbing the stitches on the inside. They advised me to heat pack it and it should suck out the infection and spit out any pieces of stitches that were left in there. That night I did just that and heat packed it. When I woke up that morning I looked at it and the incision was now an open hole the size of a pea. I went to work and gave the office a call to find out what to do.
the doctor said if it is actually open and I could stick a Q-tip or an actual pea in the hole then it needs to be stitched up. The implant could get infected and he would have to remove it and replace it with a new one. He said we have come too far for that to happen. So, I finished up early at work and drove to Missoula.
When I got there he was very surprised that it was in the non radiated breast. He was very glad that I came in. It needed to be cleaned out and stitched up. He gave me a few local shots near the area to numb it. He stitched me up with 5 stitches, added some betadine, and covered it with some guaze. I am instructed to keep it clean and dry and to not soak in the hot tub for 2 weeks. I was also put on an antibiotic just in case.
On the drive home the shots started to wear off and boy was that getting painful.
I am not to wear the strap now for 2 weeks so that the incision can heal. At 12 days Mark can cut out the stitches and I will be good as new again.
As far as my healing process to this point. I can lift about 25 lbs. I cannot put my hands totally above my head yet and I have a hard time reaching up for things. It still feels like the muscles in my chest tighten up super hard. In the morning, when waking, my muscles spasm like crazy. I wonder when all of that will stop. I have woken up a few times in the middle of the night with what feels like a sharp stabbing pain deep through my nipple. It makes me sit straight up in bed. I have gone into the gym but the only thing that I dare do right now is walking on the treadmill. In time my body will tell me when I can move on to the other things. I don't want to force anything and time goes so fast anyway that I will be there soon.
I will write again as more happens.
the doctor said if it is actually open and I could stick a Q-tip or an actual pea in the hole then it needs to be stitched up. The implant could get infected and he would have to remove it and replace it with a new one. He said we have come too far for that to happen. So, I finished up early at work and drove to Missoula.
When I got there he was very surprised that it was in the non radiated breast. He was very glad that I came in. It needed to be cleaned out and stitched up. He gave me a few local shots near the area to numb it. He stitched me up with 5 stitches, added some betadine, and covered it with some guaze. I am instructed to keep it clean and dry and to not soak in the hot tub for 2 weeks. I was also put on an antibiotic just in case.
On the drive home the shots started to wear off and boy was that getting painful.
I am not to wear the strap now for 2 weeks so that the incision can heal. At 12 days Mark can cut out the stitches and I will be good as new again.
As far as my healing process to this point. I can lift about 25 lbs. I cannot put my hands totally above my head yet and I have a hard time reaching up for things. It still feels like the muscles in my chest tighten up super hard. In the morning, when waking, my muscles spasm like crazy. I wonder when all of that will stop. I have woken up a few times in the middle of the night with what feels like a sharp stabbing pain deep through my nipple. It makes me sit straight up in bed. I have gone into the gym but the only thing that I dare do right now is walking on the treadmill. In time my body will tell me when I can move on to the other things. I don't want to force anything and time goes so fast anyway that I will be there soon.
I will write again as more happens.
Visit at one month
I had a one month visit today Oct 9th. We spent the night on Flathead Lake on the boat and did some fishing. The next morning we pulled the boat out of the lake and left it there on the trailer and drove on to Polson for our visit. He said that the left side still isn't dropping. He feels that it will but it is just a matter of time. Gravity will take its course. He said if for some reason it didn't, then he could go in there again surgically and cut into the muscle more and create a larger pocket for it to fall into. Though he would rather not do anymore cutting. I have to continue to wear my sports bra during the day and to bed. I am to continue on with the massaging. He didn't have a strap with him so I will have to get her to mail me a strap when it is in. It was a pretty short visit. Well I guess then I will continue on how it is all going.
As far as my movements, I am doing better at work. Everyone there is being extremely helpful.
As far as my movements, I am doing better at work. Everyone there is being extremely helpful.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Day ...hmmm...how many has it been?
Okay so it has been 11 days since the surgery and I can't even believe that I will have to go back to work on Monday. The 2 weeks that I had taken off for this surgery have just flown by. Not quite like I was laying on the beach in Mexico or something wonderfully tropical like that but it still has gone quickly.
Monday Mark and I drove over to Missoula. We had an appointment with the nurse to see how the progress is coming along. It is about a 10 minute visit with her and it is such a long drive and time to get there. However, we did know this when we chose our doctor so we grin and do it. In the long run it was the best choice. Something to consider when finding a plastic surgeon. There are quite a few follow up appointments that should be made and kept. Anyway, she got us in the room and I unveiled the girls. She was happy with what she saw. She said progress is coming along nicely but a little slow for the left breast. She showed us some exercises that I need to do a few times a day for a year. Basically I do it on both breasts at one time. I place the palm of my hands (one on one breast and one on the other) and press in from the outside, like I am making good cleavage, and hold it for 10-15 sec.
Then I press the opposite way from inside my cleavage with my fingertips like I am spreading them apart and hold. Then push down from the top and massage in circles for the same amount of time. On the bottom I pinch, like I am grabbing my whole boob, and push up and hold. I am guessing it all helps to put them in the area that they are eventually supposed to be on my chest and gets them to soften up. They are hard as a rock right now.
Because they are not dropping quite as fast as wanted she was going to give me a strap to put around them. This goes around my back, under my armpits and around the top of my breasts. This is left on there now basically at all times. It will help to push them down where they belong. They were out of stock on the strap so I received an ace bandage about 6-8" wide and it ends in Velcro. I don't like this near as well just because of the fact that I cannot put it on and take it off by myself. Mark has to do it every time because it goes around me twice. I did talk to one of the office gals today and she is going to order more and mail one to me.
I was told that I can start sleeping in bed now and we can move the recliner back into the living room. I was so glad about that. I was hoping that would make me a little more independent and Mark could get an undisturbed night of sleep. He was having to get up to let the lever down, on the recliner, to lower my legs. Well the bed didn't work out as planned. I laid in bed with one pillow under my head and one under my knees. I couldn't do any more under my head. It just didn't work for the back. Because of this, after 4 hours of sleeping, my whole body cramps up and I cannot get out of bed myself. I have to wake Mark up to lift me from a laying position. I can't even roll onto my side and roll out of bed. Ugh!
That was the end of our visit and the next appointment will be scheduled with the doctor one month from surgery date. UPDATE: The office called and the doctor will be in Polson for a short time this Sunday. It is about half the distance to Missoula. He has an office there that he will see patients for pre or post care. So we will take the boat out of the water early Sunday morning and head over to see him. We will be staying on the boat on Flathead lake that Saturday night. I am looking forward to seeing him since we haven't since the surgery.
As far as my mobility goes, it is getting better. I can now take a shower on my own and just barely wash my own hair. Shaving my legs is difficult but needs to be done. Funny the daily things that we take for granted. I can only lift my arms about armpit level and not really above my head yet. Reaching at this point is not allowed. I can lift a little less than a gallon of milk. I tire so easily and by the time Mark gets home from work I am a walking zombie. I am off all of my pain meds and muscle relaxers during the day but by night I am still taking the muscle relaxer. I wake up and my chest is flexing off and on by itself. It is like a charlie horse across my entire chest. Oh boy that hurts. I have been trying not to sleep by day so that I am good and tired and can sleep through the whole night. That isn't the case though. I usually wake at 4am and 6am. Which means...so does Mark. (It feels like we have a newborn in the house) Last night it was 2,4, and 6am. I am thinking maybe I will try sleeping on the couch tonight. Mark doesn't know this idea yet. If you have ever had kids, my boobs feel like they are filling up with milk. That really tight, sore, full feeling...that's it. When will they dry up...lol!
I cannot stand from a sitting position by using my arms. Can't push. My legs are getting quite the workout. And no twisting. it all pulls from the breast. Go ahead, try it. Amazing all the abuse these girls can normally handle in a day!
Well, that was a long post and I am signing off for now. I will post again after my appointment with the doctor.
Ciao!
Monday Mark and I drove over to Missoula. We had an appointment with the nurse to see how the progress is coming along. It is about a 10 minute visit with her and it is such a long drive and time to get there. However, we did know this when we chose our doctor so we grin and do it. In the long run it was the best choice. Something to consider when finding a plastic surgeon. There are quite a few follow up appointments that should be made and kept. Anyway, she got us in the room and I unveiled the girls. She was happy with what she saw. She said progress is coming along nicely but a little slow for the left breast. She showed us some exercises that I need to do a few times a day for a year. Basically I do it on both breasts at one time. I place the palm of my hands (one on one breast and one on the other) and press in from the outside, like I am making good cleavage, and hold it for 10-15 sec.
Then I press the opposite way from inside my cleavage with my fingertips like I am spreading them apart and hold. Then push down from the top and massage in circles for the same amount of time. On the bottom I pinch, like I am grabbing my whole boob, and push up and hold. I am guessing it all helps to put them in the area that they are eventually supposed to be on my chest and gets them to soften up. They are hard as a rock right now.
Because they are not dropping quite as fast as wanted she was going to give me a strap to put around them. This goes around my back, under my armpits and around the top of my breasts. This is left on there now basically at all times. It will help to push them down where they belong. They were out of stock on the strap so I received an ace bandage about 6-8" wide and it ends in Velcro. I don't like this near as well just because of the fact that I cannot put it on and take it off by myself. Mark has to do it every time because it goes around me twice. I did talk to one of the office gals today and she is going to order more and mail one to me.
I was told that I can start sleeping in bed now and we can move the recliner back into the living room. I was so glad about that. I was hoping that would make me a little more independent and Mark could get an undisturbed night of sleep. He was having to get up to let the lever down, on the recliner, to lower my legs. Well the bed didn't work out as planned. I laid in bed with one pillow under my head and one under my knees. I couldn't do any more under my head. It just didn't work for the back. Because of this, after 4 hours of sleeping, my whole body cramps up and I cannot get out of bed myself. I have to wake Mark up to lift me from a laying position. I can't even roll onto my side and roll out of bed. Ugh!
That was the end of our visit and the next appointment will be scheduled with the doctor one month from surgery date. UPDATE: The office called and the doctor will be in Polson for a short time this Sunday. It is about half the distance to Missoula. He has an office there that he will see patients for pre or post care. So we will take the boat out of the water early Sunday morning and head over to see him. We will be staying on the boat on Flathead lake that Saturday night. I am looking forward to seeing him since we haven't since the surgery.
As far as my mobility goes, it is getting better. I can now take a shower on my own and just barely wash my own hair. Shaving my legs is difficult but needs to be done. Funny the daily things that we take for granted. I can only lift my arms about armpit level and not really above my head yet. Reaching at this point is not allowed. I can lift a little less than a gallon of milk. I tire so easily and by the time Mark gets home from work I am a walking zombie. I am off all of my pain meds and muscle relaxers during the day but by night I am still taking the muscle relaxer. I wake up and my chest is flexing off and on by itself. It is like a charlie horse across my entire chest. Oh boy that hurts. I have been trying not to sleep by day so that I am good and tired and can sleep through the whole night. That isn't the case though. I usually wake at 4am and 6am. Which means...so does Mark. (It feels like we have a newborn in the house) Last night it was 2,4, and 6am. I am thinking maybe I will try sleeping on the couch tonight. Mark doesn't know this idea yet. If you have ever had kids, my boobs feel like they are filling up with milk. That really tight, sore, full feeling...that's it. When will they dry up...lol!
I cannot stand from a sitting position by using my arms. Can't push. My legs are getting quite the workout. And no twisting. it all pulls from the breast. Go ahead, try it. Amazing all the abuse these girls can normally handle in a day!
Well, that was a long post and I am signing off for now. I will post again after my appointment with the doctor.
Ciao!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Day 4 Post op
It is Thursday. Day 4 after surgery. I have read a lot of information about this procedure and how the recovery would progress. I feel that I am way behind in the recovery process comparatively. I figure that it is due to the cancer and radiation that was in my left breast. That is the side that is taking longer to feel better. I have a lot more mobility on my right side. Especially like the movement of my arms and the swelling in the arm pit area. I took a picture of the progress from the 2nd day post op and then today, day 4. I was pleasantly surprised how the implants are moving down and that the swelling really is going down. Funny I can't just notice that but a picture tells it all. They are now not as square looking on top. Girls had described their own post op implants as looking like Frankenstein, the square boxiness, and I could see that. Kind of a funny thought.
I am still on all of my medications and as of this point I can't even imagine backing off of them. The pain is still pretty intense and the pressure and tightness is overwhelming at times. The numbness feeling has worn off and I am getting ocassional shooting pains where the incisions are under my breasts and also in the chest between my cleavage. Someone reading this probably thinks, why would you put yourself through all of this pain and torture just for boobs. I believe that the outcome and the feeling and confidence I will regain about myself after a couple of months will definitely outweigh the pain I am having now. The left breast looks so amazing now compared to what it was. You can barely even see the incision from the lumpectomy. Mark had commented as such this morning when we looked at the progress.
I am still sleeping in the recliner with 2 king sized pillows behind me and my feet raised. I have done pretty well getting my sleep through the night. I only wake up twice during the night and it is because I have to go to the bathroom. I am drinking a lot of water throughout the day to stay good and hydrated. Mark helps me out of the chair because I cannot use the lever to lower my feet to be able to stand. He has been truly awesome. I couldn't have done this without him through the cancer and now. Both as a caregiver and an emotional ear. He is super patient with me and has a real willingness to help. That's my man! (big smile) I am a very lucky and a blessed girl. Thank you again Mark. I love you!!
I am still on all of my medications and as of this point I can't even imagine backing off of them. The pain is still pretty intense and the pressure and tightness is overwhelming at times. The numbness feeling has worn off and I am getting ocassional shooting pains where the incisions are under my breasts and also in the chest between my cleavage. Someone reading this probably thinks, why would you put yourself through all of this pain and torture just for boobs. I believe that the outcome and the feeling and confidence I will regain about myself after a couple of months will definitely outweigh the pain I am having now. The left breast looks so amazing now compared to what it was. You can barely even see the incision from the lumpectomy. Mark had commented as such this morning when we looked at the progress.
I am still sleeping in the recliner with 2 king sized pillows behind me and my feet raised. I have done pretty well getting my sleep through the night. I only wake up twice during the night and it is because I have to go to the bathroom. I am drinking a lot of water throughout the day to stay good and hydrated. Mark helps me out of the chair because I cannot use the lever to lower my feet to be able to stand. He has been truly awesome. I couldn't have done this without him through the cancer and now. Both as a caregiver and an emotional ear. He is super patient with me and has a real willingness to help. That's my man! (big smile) I am a very lucky and a blessed girl. Thank you again Mark. I love you!!
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
At the hotel day of surgery...
We arrived at the hotel and Mark checked us inWe stayed at the C'mon Inn because they have recliners in the room. This was a suggestion from the doctors that would make sleeping a little more easy. I had to have my headed elevated for 1-2 weeks. The girls at the hotel were just coming out of our room when we were walking down the hall. They were stocking our room with more blankets, pillows and tea. They also turned on the heater as the room was a little chilly. Great staff.
Mark parked me into the recliner with pillows all tucked around me and a blanket over me and he went out to bring in all of our bags. After that he made a trip back to Wal Mart to pick up the remaining scrip and a few items to stock in the fridge. I was wanting some yogurt. When he left I fell back to sleep. Mark came back and we ate a little and I decide to check out my new additions.
I unfastened the front of the bra. They are riding very high in my chest, as expected and they are kind of square looking. They are super rock firm. All of these things are what I had read online so I was okay. I think that they look great. The indentation from the lumpectomy has been pushed out from the mass of the implant and so all that you can really see there is a straight line scar. Really no dimpling. I am so pleased with that. It is hard to tell right now about the size because they are so swollen and they will drop out of the upper chest to where they are supposed to be. After 2 months I will pretty much be able to tell my ending bra size. Until then I have to wear this sports bra day and night for 2 months. That's okay because the pressure I think would be horrible without it. The bra holds them in and close to my chest.
So Mark and I just pretty much layed around for the entire day. I had him write down all of the meds that I had and what times they were to be taken so we wouldn't lose track. There were a few. Dr. Hardy also has me taking Bromelein, a pineapple extract which reduces inflamation and Montana Arnica which reduces bruising and the bleeding to a minimum. I like that he chose these two natural things for healing. I took lots of naps, I was in and out all day. They just wanted me to rest and do nothing. So....nothing I did.
Mark parked me into the recliner with pillows all tucked around me and a blanket over me and he went out to bring in all of our bags. After that he made a trip back to Wal Mart to pick up the remaining scrip and a few items to stock in the fridge. I was wanting some yogurt. When he left I fell back to sleep. Mark came back and we ate a little and I decide to check out my new additions.
I unfastened the front of the bra. They are riding very high in my chest, as expected and they are kind of square looking. They are super rock firm. All of these things are what I had read online so I was okay. I think that they look great. The indentation from the lumpectomy has been pushed out from the mass of the implant and so all that you can really see there is a straight line scar. Really no dimpling. I am so pleased with that. It is hard to tell right now about the size because they are so swollen and they will drop out of the upper chest to where they are supposed to be. After 2 months I will pretty much be able to tell my ending bra size. Until then I have to wear this sports bra day and night for 2 months. That's okay because the pressure I think would be horrible without it. The bra holds them in and close to my chest.
So Mark and I just pretty much layed around for the entire day. I had him write down all of the meds that I had and what times they were to be taken so we wouldn't lose track. There were a few. Dr. Hardy also has me taking Bromelein, a pineapple extract which reduces inflamation and Montana Arnica which reduces bruising and the bleeding to a minimum. I like that he chose these two natural things for healing. I took lots of naps, I was in and out all day. They just wanted me to rest and do nothing. So....nothing I did.
We did it!
Sunday we spent the day driving to Missoula. We were staying at a friends' house just 30 minutes west of Missoula. My appointment for surgery was at 6:15 in the morning. On the drive down we also stopped to look at a few sailboats. Getting an idea of what we want. That was a nice distraction from what was going on in our heads. We stayed up until about 10 visiting and then hit the sack for the big day.
Morning came in a hurry and I woke up to do the routine. Shower with an anti bacterial soap and wash my hair. No other products are allowed. No lotion, deoderant, perfumes, hair gel, hairspray. Nothing like that. I straightened my hair so that it would be easy for the next couple of days. Can't take a shower for 48 hours.
We got to the surgery center and the nurses checked me in. Mark was with me watching and asking questions. He was nervous I could tell because he was cracking jokes. The nurse asked me address, DOB, that kind of thing. She had me undress except for the underwear and put on a gown. She then put compression socks on my legs to keep away the blood clots. They are like a white pair of spandex knee hi's. The Dr. came in and introduced himself to Mark. Mark wasn't with me this time for pre op so he hadn't met Dr. Hardy. He started putting marks on my breasts with a black marker and wrote on each breast what size implant would be inserted. Any other questions? No, I have none...I am nervous. And I am nervous for Mark. The anasthesiologist came in and asked me a few prescription questions. What am I allergic to, narcotics and 1st generation atahistamines. The nurse set me up with an IV, no numbing stuff please it(it hurts more than the IV) which I had her put in my right arm instead of my hand. It is a lot more comfortable there, as far as IV's go. She took my blood pressure and my pulse. She then put the local anasthesia into my IV and started rolling me away and I was out like a light. I awoke in another room with a nurse by my side. I could feel my chest ached. I have read that it would feel like an elephant sitting on my chest and the pain would be unbearable, but I didn't find it to be that way. I did ask for pain meds, don't get me wrong it did hurt, but I just expected it to be a lot worse. The surgery took about an hour and a half.
Mark returned from Wal Mart. The Dr. had sent him on an errand during surgery to go and fill my prescriptions for after surgery. That is so smart...keep him busy so he is not pacing worried. One of the scrips was not available there so they were having it sent in. It would be there by noon. The doctor discussed with Mark how the procedure went. While they were in there they found no tumors or anything else that looked suspicious to think there was any more signs of cancer. That is so great!! He instructed him that I could not lift my elbows away from my body for a week. Pretend there is a band around my waist holding my arms in. I can only move from the elbows. Any lifting could cause bleeding in the breast. That would be a bad situation.
The nurse gave me some water and meds a few more times in my IV. The med that I used is Fentanyl and it only lasts for 20 minutes. It is a 100x more potent that morphine but it is short lasting. She offered me a granola bar or jello and I declined. She then sat me up slowly and I was fitted into a front fastening sports bra. I was a 36 before I went in and she put a 38 on me. I was put into a wheel chair and wheeled out to the truck and we were on our way to the hotel with the new boobs in tow!
Morning came in a hurry and I woke up to do the routine. Shower with an anti bacterial soap and wash my hair. No other products are allowed. No lotion, deoderant, perfumes, hair gel, hairspray. Nothing like that. I straightened my hair so that it would be easy for the next couple of days. Can't take a shower for 48 hours.
We got to the surgery center and the nurses checked me in. Mark was with me watching and asking questions. He was nervous I could tell because he was cracking jokes. The nurse asked me address, DOB, that kind of thing. She had me undress except for the underwear and put on a gown. She then put compression socks on my legs to keep away the blood clots. They are like a white pair of spandex knee hi's. The Dr. came in and introduced himself to Mark. Mark wasn't with me this time for pre op so he hadn't met Dr. Hardy. He started putting marks on my breasts with a black marker and wrote on each breast what size implant would be inserted. Any other questions? No, I have none...I am nervous. And I am nervous for Mark. The anasthesiologist came in and asked me a few prescription questions. What am I allergic to, narcotics and 1st generation atahistamines. The nurse set me up with an IV, no numbing stuff please it(it hurts more than the IV) which I had her put in my right arm instead of my hand. It is a lot more comfortable there, as far as IV's go. She took my blood pressure and my pulse. She then put the local anasthesia into my IV and started rolling me away and I was out like a light. I awoke in another room with a nurse by my side. I could feel my chest ached. I have read that it would feel like an elephant sitting on my chest and the pain would be unbearable, but I didn't find it to be that way. I did ask for pain meds, don't get me wrong it did hurt, but I just expected it to be a lot worse. The surgery took about an hour and a half.
Mark returned from Wal Mart. The Dr. had sent him on an errand during surgery to go and fill my prescriptions for after surgery. That is so smart...keep him busy so he is not pacing worried. One of the scrips was not available there so they were having it sent in. It would be there by noon. The doctor discussed with Mark how the procedure went. While they were in there they found no tumors or anything else that looked suspicious to think there was any more signs of cancer. That is so great!! He instructed him that I could not lift my elbows away from my body for a week. Pretend there is a band around my waist holding my arms in. I can only move from the elbows. Any lifting could cause bleeding in the breast. That would be a bad situation.
The nurse gave me some water and meds a few more times in my IV. The med that I used is Fentanyl and it only lasts for 20 minutes. It is a 100x more potent that morphine but it is short lasting. She offered me a granola bar or jello and I declined. She then sat me up slowly and I was fitted into a front fastening sports bra. I was a 36 before I went in and she put a 38 on me. I was put into a wheel chair and wheeled out to the truck and we were on our way to the hotel with the new boobs in tow!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Surgery day is coming!
My surgery has been moved up about 5 hours. I am excited about that. It was at 1:30 and I was not allowed to eat or drink until then. I would starve. Ha ha! I am now going in at 6:30 and the surgery is scheduled for 7:30. I have purchased all of the items that are needed for post op. I am supposed to sleep in a mostly upright position for 2 weeks and I cannot lift my hands away from my sides during that time.
We are staying at the Come on Inn after the surgery. They will prepare the room for us with many blankets, pillows, tea, and the room comes with a lazyboy. The following day at 9:30am I will have a post op appointment with the doctor before I go home to make sure that everything looks good. He will also give us a list of instructions for after care. I will have another appointment with him 2 weeks following this appointment.
Well the next time I write it will be done and I will let you know how it went.
I am scared and excited in one big breath.
Pray for the best. I know that I will.
We are staying at the Come on Inn after the surgery. They will prepare the room for us with many blankets, pillows, tea, and the room comes with a lazyboy. The following day at 9:30am I will have a post op appointment with the doctor before I go home to make sure that everything looks good. He will also give us a list of instructions for after care. I will have another appointment with him 2 weeks following this appointment.
Well the next time I write it will be done and I will let you know how it went.
I am scared and excited in one big breath.
Pray for the best. I know that I will.
Casting for Recovery
The weekend of Sept 9, 2011 I was pre selected to go on a retreat in West Glacier for Casting for recovery. See www.castingforrecovery.org It is a retreat for breast cancer survivors.They teach you the skills to fly fish and then on the last day you have a couple of hours on the river with your own individual guide assisting you. I was one of 14 women selected. It was an amazing retreat and and I met some really great women. It is so wonderful to have had this opportunity in our area. Thanks again girls!!
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Mammogram and bloodwork
Yesterday I went to have my mammmogram, bilateral diagnostic, and some bloodwork. The mammograms are more painful every time I go due to the scar tissue build up. I was told by my surgeon that if I massage it daily it will not build up like that. That would have been good information to have after the lumpectomy...I'm just saying!
The results of the mammogram were favorable and the blood results got sent in.
For financial assistance with the mammogram I was covered by Save a Sister. It is a locally funded organization by donations and charitable events. There is always financial help available for those tests you just have to ask.
The results of the mammogram were favorable and the blood results got sent in.
For financial assistance with the mammogram I was covered by Save a Sister. It is a locally funded organization by donations and charitable events. There is always financial help available for those tests you just have to ask.
My pre-op appointment
So the nurse Laura called and gave us all the ins and outs of what we need to prepare for surgery. All of the vitamins I am taking can be continued, surprising for how long the list is of the items that you cannot take. I must discontinue the probiotic thought the day of the surgery. That baffles me. Your body needs that good bacteria. So I will do more research on that.
She didn't know much about the procedure itself and what was happening with the scar tissue and the scar revision on the left breast. So she had Dr. Hardy call me a couple days later with some explanation. The left breast that was radiated behaves like dead skin tissue. The skin will not be as pliable as the right. He will put an implant under the muscle. It is a silicone high profile implant that is 450cc and the right is 400cc. The problem with getting it in there neatly is separating the scar tissue away from the chest wall enough. There is also the issue that because the left brest is so tight and has lost so much mass that the left and right breast may not be in the same place (symmetrically). This means also that one nipple may be higher than another. So no different than it is now!! One way that this can be fixed is by cutting a crescent piece of skin out from underneath the nipple and stitching it back together. This is not an option that he likes to do. He feels it is just too much cutting and scarring. The other thing that surgeons will do, which is what the first Dr. was going to do that I had a consultation with, is to do fat grafting. They will take fat from another place in the body and inject it into your breast to pump up the piece that is missing. That tissue will eventually die. If I were to have it looked at in a mammogram they would see it as foreign and think that it is cancerous. They would biopsy it and find out that it is not cancerous. He says that it is just not a good ethical thing to do. That option is off the table. He said basically that when we go in he will just use his best judgment and decide then what needs to be done. I pray that he will have good judgement.
I am now 2 weeks out from surgery and I am starting to get nervous...but excited all in the same breath.
She didn't know much about the procedure itself and what was happening with the scar tissue and the scar revision on the left breast. So she had Dr. Hardy call me a couple days later with some explanation. The left breast that was radiated behaves like dead skin tissue. The skin will not be as pliable as the right. He will put an implant under the muscle. It is a silicone high profile implant that is 450cc and the right is 400cc. The problem with getting it in there neatly is separating the scar tissue away from the chest wall enough. There is also the issue that because the left brest is so tight and has lost so much mass that the left and right breast may not be in the same place (symmetrically). This means also that one nipple may be higher than another. So no different than it is now!! One way that this can be fixed is by cutting a crescent piece of skin out from underneath the nipple and stitching it back together. This is not an option that he likes to do. He feels it is just too much cutting and scarring. The other thing that surgeons will do, which is what the first Dr. was going to do that I had a consultation with, is to do fat grafting. They will take fat from another place in the body and inject it into your breast to pump up the piece that is missing. That tissue will eventually die. If I were to have it looked at in a mammogram they would see it as foreign and think that it is cancerous. They would biopsy it and find out that it is not cancerous. He says that it is just not a good ethical thing to do. That option is off the table. He said basically that when we go in he will just use his best judgment and decide then what needs to be done. I pray that he will have good judgement.
I am now 2 weeks out from surgery and I am starting to get nervous...but excited all in the same breath.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Pre Op appt.
Today I have my pre-op appointment with Dr. Hardy's nurse. We will discuss the meds and herbs I am taking now. Most of those I will have to discontinue taking to have my system clean for anesthesia and for the healing process after the surgery (bleeding and bruising). She will give me the prescriptions that I will need post surgery. I am curious as to what this will be since I am allergic to narcotics. I will also receive a 3 day scrip for something I take prior to surgery. Normally we would try on sizers to decide the size. I have already done this at another consultation I had when screening doctors. I know the size I want and I had already discussed this w Dr. Hardy at our consult. We will go over the procedure and what things I need to prepare before and after surgery. I am having the appointment in Missoula, 2 hours away, so this appointment today will be done by phone. I feel a little disconnected from it all doing it this way but it will save time and gas money.
I will post soon with the results of this appointment.
Nae
I will post soon with the results of this appointment.
Nae
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Reconstruction after a lumpectomy
A year and a half has gone by now since my last radiation treatment. They told me that your radiated site keeps on cooking for a year after all of the treatments. That is a little scary. But due to that fact reconstruction was put to a halt until that time frame has past. I am at this point still unhappy with the end results of my breasts after the surgery. I feel that I am still young enough that I can and should do something about this. It is a very important part of my girlie anatomy and I want it back. There is so much information on the internet about women who had reconstruction after a masectomy. And there should be. However a lumpectomy should not be taken lightly because it still affects how we as women feel about our bodies and how comfortable we feel around other people. If I were a single woman I would probably never get intimate with someone new for fear of showing this now ugly part of me. I am very fortunate that I have a wonderful boyfriend who was there with me through all of this and I don't have to worry about that. But I want to feel confident about my body. I lost 1 1/2 cup sizes on the left. That is a huge difference.
I have decided to write in my blog my walk through my reconstruction and augmentation so that other women will have someone else to relate to. I wished that I had that. I want to have someone to talk to and ask questions. A woman who can relate and who has gone through all of this before me. So, if you have questions, please ask. If you have comments, please feel free to comment. I will also have before and after pictures. I will not post them but if you want to view them please let me know.
I am nervous but very excited about this whole process. I am going to hopefully get newer and better boobs. My fears.....will they look the same? Will they once again be the same size as the other (left and right)? I have already lost feeling in the one...how much more feeling will I lose? Will they look natural? And the list goes on and on.
Well, that's it. I will start posting what I do.
See ya for now.
I have decided to write in my blog my walk through my reconstruction and augmentation so that other women will have someone else to relate to. I wished that I had that. I want to have someone to talk to and ask questions. A woman who can relate and who has gone through all of this before me. So, if you have questions, please ask. If you have comments, please feel free to comment. I will also have before and after pictures. I will not post them but if you want to view them please let me know.
I am nervous but very excited about this whole process. I am going to hopefully get newer and better boobs. My fears.....will they look the same? Will they once again be the same size as the other (left and right)? I have already lost feeling in the one...how much more feeling will I lose? Will they look natural? And the list goes on and on.
Well, that's it. I will start posting what I do.
See ya for now.
Monday, May 17, 2010
A big scare!
Well my life here in Kalispell has taken shape. I have found a small one bedroom house. It is in a great older neighborhood and it has a beautiful view of the mountains. I am finally all moved in. I have stripped wallpaper out of the bathroom and the kitchen that was like a 100 years old. Gross and dingy from smokers and just old age. The place not only looks better but smells better.
I am still working at Tele Tech, and that job that I thought was temporary, has become more permanent than I thought it would. I am now involved in a softball team with work through Flathead Recreation and I have joined a team for the Relay for Life to help fight cancer. I may not like the work so much but I am getting involved in my new community through them and I do like that. They really are a great company to work for.
I recently had a scare. I have been cancer free and pretty much back to my normal life, if that's what you call it, since Dec. of 2009. I started getting some tender pain in my breast that had the lumpectomy. It increased as the days went by. I was to a stage 8 out of 10 in pain and I was scared to death what that might mean. My hand was numb and the back of my shoulder was in pain. I ended up scheduling an appt with the surgeon here in Kalispell. A week and a half before that I had gotten a bladder infection. I get them all the time and now treat them myself. I started myself on the antibiotic and by the time I saw the doc wasn't in near the pain I had been. She examined me and and gave me an ultrasound and determined that I had an infection in my breast due to the bladder infection. It made its way up and decided to land in my boob. This is where the fluid started building up and got infected. She sent me to see the radiologist in the hospital who put a needle in my NOT NUMBED boob, got a sample of the fluid, drained the remaining fluid and grew the culture. Come to find out 4 days later that the antibiotics that I had taken for my bladder infection also cured my boob infection.
Hmmm.....I wonder how much that cost me?
I am still working at Tele Tech, and that job that I thought was temporary, has become more permanent than I thought it would. I am now involved in a softball team with work through Flathead Recreation and I have joined a team for the Relay for Life to help fight cancer. I may not like the work so much but I am getting involved in my new community through them and I do like that. They really are a great company to work for.
I recently had a scare. I have been cancer free and pretty much back to my normal life, if that's what you call it, since Dec. of 2009. I started getting some tender pain in my breast that had the lumpectomy. It increased as the days went by. I was to a stage 8 out of 10 in pain and I was scared to death what that might mean. My hand was numb and the back of my shoulder was in pain. I ended up scheduling an appt with the surgeon here in Kalispell. A week and a half before that I had gotten a bladder infection. I get them all the time and now treat them myself. I started myself on the antibiotic and by the time I saw the doc wasn't in near the pain I had been. She examined me and and gave me an ultrasound and determined that I had an infection in my breast due to the bladder infection. It made its way up and decided to land in my boob. This is where the fluid started building up and got infected. She sent me to see the radiologist in the hospital who put a needle in my NOT NUMBED boob, got a sample of the fluid, drained the remaining fluid and grew the culture. Come to find out 4 days later that the antibiotics that I had taken for my bladder infection also cured my boob infection.
Hmmm.....I wonder how much that cost me?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The move
It has been a while since I have posted anything new in here. I have been super busy with life in general. The move finally happened and went smoothly. I am now in Kalispell and looking for a job. I did get a FT job at Teletech which is a call center for Bank of America but I am still searching for something better. This will at least pay the bills in the mean time and keep me busy and out of trouble. Grin!
Ciao,
Shawnae
Ciao,
Shawnae
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Last day of Radiation has past.
My last day of radiation was on Fri, Dec. 4. Mark went with me and met the staff. He loved them as much as I did. They gave him the "tour" and explained in detail everything that happens. He said it hit home just how important and scary it all is when they slammed close the steel 6in. thick door that separated me from them. Then he explained that starting the radiation was like a launch procedure and she put in a key and push a button at the same time to initiate. He said it was very high tech and very secure. After that we went back to my place to finish packing and got on the plane to....Las Vegas, NV. He planned this secret vacation for me in celebration for my last day of radiation. He is truly an amazing man and I feel so blessed and fortunate to have him in my life. We had a fantastic time together sightseeing and walking all over. We also got to go to The Phantom of the Opera. That was an awesome show to see.
I am bringing my two boys to Kalispell for Christmas. I want them to see where I will be living and meet Mark and his kids. My oldest son Justin is 19, a senior in high school, and is in the National Guard. He lives in Roundup, MT. My younger son Alex will be 14 in a couple of weeks and lives primarily with his dad in Belgrade, MT (10 miles from Bozeman). Alex has met Mark a couple of times and Justin has only talked to him on the phone. We will all be going skiing and snowboarding one of the days we are there. I look forward to that. My Alex has been dying to teach me to snowboard. I think it will be a really fun couple of days for everyone.
My last day at work is Jan 5 and then Mark will come up on Friday with the horse trailer to move the rest of my things. Half of my stuff is already boxed in his basement from when I was first moving in Aug. It has been a little strange living kind of half way through all of this. Between being halfway moved to Kalispell, breast cancer and really wanting to be closer to Mark it has been a really hard 5 months. I am glad that it is all done and we can finally close the gap between us.
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to update my blog but I have been busy between work, shopping for Christmas and working on crafting presents.
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. I love and miss you all.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving!
I can't believe that another year has gone by so quickly. Where does the time go?
Treatments have been going okay. The infection and pain is now gone. I have about 8 treatments left which include doubling up and the boosts. Doubling up will be one visit at 8am and another at 3 or 4pm. That will happen for the last 5 days. I will be thrilled to be done with all of this and get back to as normal of a life as I can.
Talk is still in order for me moving to Kalispell. We have to still figure out the dates though I am feeling that it will be sometime early in January. Mark has prepared a surprise 4 day weekend vacation for us following my last treatment on Friday Dec. 4th. He will go with me for my last session and meet the medical gang I have come to know and love. They have all been asking so much about him. Then we will go back to my house, grab our bags and we are to.....I don't know where. The anticipation is killing me but I am sure that it will be worth the wait. He is a sweet man to do this for us.
I am spending Thanksgiving time up in Kalispell with Mark's family. His parent's are also coming to visit at the same time from Wisconsin. It will be the first meet. I am looking forward to that.
I hope that you all have a wonderful time with your family and friends.
Love to you all,
Shawnae
Treatments have been going okay. The infection and pain is now gone. I have about 8 treatments left which include doubling up and the boosts. Doubling up will be one visit at 8am and another at 3 or 4pm. That will happen for the last 5 days. I will be thrilled to be done with all of this and get back to as normal of a life as I can.
Talk is still in order for me moving to Kalispell. We have to still figure out the dates though I am feeling that it will be sometime early in January. Mark has prepared a surprise 4 day weekend vacation for us following my last treatment on Friday Dec. 4th. He will go with me for my last session and meet the medical gang I have come to know and love. They have all been asking so much about him. Then we will go back to my house, grab our bags and we are to.....I don't know where. The anticipation is killing me but I am sure that it will be worth the wait. He is a sweet man to do this for us.
I am spending Thanksgiving time up in Kalispell with Mark's family. His parent's are also coming to visit at the same time from Wisconsin. It will be the first meet. I am looking forward to that.
I hope that you all have a wonderful time with your family and friends.
Love to you all,
Shawnae
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
I am feeling defeated!!
Up until now I have been going along with the plan that they have given me. I have gotten about 18 sessions of radiation under my belt (so to say). I was taking the Tamoxifen for a month but got off of it. I was having big memory issues. I have been off of it now for a couple of weeks and doing better. I will start up again when the radiation treatment is done. I love the girls that I see daily for my sessions and feel like they have become friends.
For the past week I have had a dull aching pain in my breast that had the surgery. Last night it became very painful and today it was unbearable. I called the doctor and got tin to see and found that I have an infection inside of my breast. He says that the fluids build up in there and sometimes don't drain the way that they are supposed to and with having radiation my immunity is down. He started me on a 10 day antibiotic and I am back on my pain pills. I am looking forward to no pain. The feeling of pain just brings back home that "I am a breast cancer patient". A bit of reality that is so hard for me to accept. When I feel the pain I feel defeated and less of who I am.
Well, there is my update. Have a good week everyone.
I love you all,
Shawnae
For the past week I have had a dull aching pain in my breast that had the surgery. Last night it became very painful and today it was unbearable. I called the doctor and got tin to see and found that I have an infection inside of my breast. He says that the fluids build up in there and sometimes don't drain the way that they are supposed to and with having radiation my immunity is down. He started me on a 10 day antibiotic and I am back on my pain pills. I am looking forward to no pain. The feeling of pain just brings back home that "I am a breast cancer patient". A bit of reality that is so hard for me to accept. When I feel the pain I feel defeated and less of who I am.
Well, there is my update. Have a good week everyone.
I love you all,
Shawnae
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Happy Halloween!!
It is Halloween weekend and I spent the weekend here up at Mark's house. WE were chaperones to a teenaged bonfire. It went really well and they had a lot of fun. After the bonfire a few kids went home and 4 stayed. 6 teens total soaked in the hot tub and then watched 3 movies following that, so it was an all nighter.
Andrew, Molly and I carved pumpkins under the supervision of Mark. We turned out 3 fantastic looking pumkins. Andrew carved an owl under the full moon, Molly carved a bunny, and I carved a cauldron. Later that night the 4 of us went into town and went trick of treating. That was a lot of fun and there were a TON of kids on 3rd street. It was amazing. I have never seen that many kids trick or treating in one area. Molly dressed as a fairy, Andrew was a Greek General, Mark was the Sherriff (to greet the teens at the house) and I was a Gothic fairy.
This morning Mark made busquits and gravy for all the kids. We are headed to church so I better get into the shower.
Hope that you all had a great weekend!!
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